Destiny Be Damned
by QueenzSmoak
Summary: What if Claire and Jamie's life took a different path, and they found themselves with a child on the way sooner than they thought? Note: This began as a one shot I had from a dream of Angus saving Claire then quickly altered into an alternate version of Book 1 / Season 1 of Outlander. Please Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Note: I don't own any of the characters or the rights and I pay great respect to those who do. Thank you for creating such a great tale and such fascinating characters Diana Gabaldon.

Destiny Be Damned

This began as a one shot I had from a dream of Angus saving Claire then quickly altered into an alternate version of Book 1 / Season 1 of Outlander. Some events are as they happened and others have been altered to allow for the ideas and the ending to take shape. Not wanting to simply recreate the whole story I left out parts here and there that I knew you as readers would already know. I hope it isn't too disjointed for you and that you enjoy the story as much as I did. Please as always, review my work so that I may improve. Thank you.

Note: The timelines between the book Outlander and Season 1 of Outlander vary greatly so a little creative licence had to be used.

According to Diana Gabaldon's timeline from her books and some approximations:

1773:

May 2nd Claire arrives in 1773 Scotland.

Late June: Jamie and Claire are married.

Early July: Jamie and Claire return to Leoch with the rest of the rent party.

October: Sandringham arrives. Witch Trials of Claire and Gellis. Return to Lallybroch.

November: Lallybroch harvest.

1774:

Jan / Feb (Early winter): Jamie captured and sent to Wentworth.

 **Chapter 1: July 1773**

Jamie and I had barely been married four weeks when we returned to Castle Leoch. Mrs Fitz and the other residents of Leoch had welcomed us back with open arms and well wishes but I knew Jamie's mind was still troubled by Cullum's refusal to bless the marriage. I never knew what had happened when Jamie had been summoned to the Laird's chambers shortly after our return, only that Jamie had been on edge ever since. I didn't press the matter, hoping he would tell me in time. Over the next five days it had been like a never ending celebration within the castle. Alec had given Jamie time off to 'settle in his new bride' and Mrs Fitz made a point of supplying us with food and whisky on a regular basis so that we need never leave our private chambers. After a long bathe and a good night sleep we had left the dust and the trials of the road behind us and I found myself rejoicing in my new found marriage.

"Claire." Jamie began hesitantly one evening as we lay in bed, curled up in each other's arms. Even after six weeks together he still shied at speaking his mind, fearing I might think him daft or feeble. It was one of his endearing qualities.

"What is it?" I asked him, eager to know what was on his mind.

I felt him shake his head behind me as he twirled his fingers in my hair. "Tis nothing."

"It's ok Jamie, whatever it is."  
"I was just wondering is all." He continued slowly, "That is….. are ye happy Claire?"

"Am I happy?" I asked him, wondering what was going on in the thick headed mind of his.  
"Aye." I felt his fingers almost frozen in anticipation except for a slight tremble as he waited to hear my answer. "I ken that you were forced to marry me, but I was wondering hoping… do I make ye happy Claire?"  
"Oh Jamie." I turned around to face him, placing a hand on his cheek as I looked into his bright blue eyes, hastily trying to avoid my gaze from embarrassment. "You make me very happy indeed Jamie Fraser." I kissed him, "I never thought it possible, given how we met and all, but I couldn't imagine being anywhere else."

"You don't regret marrying me then? I ken Cullum was keeping you from joining your family and Dougal didn't give you much choice in the matter." His eyes looked up to meet mine.

"I won't deny that I wasn't happy about the idea. Marrying a man I barely knew. But I think you know as well as I do, that there was a… a bond between us from the moment we met."  
"Aye, there was." Jamie agreed, "I wanted you from the first moment I saw you. Looking so lost and afraid but still standing your ground. I thought to myself how full of spirit you were and how I wanted to just take you in my arms and tell you everything was going to be all right."  
"You never told me."  
"How could I? You were in mourning, and we barely knew each other. It was not my place to be so forward." He reminded me, "Did you not feel the same?"

"Hmm." I blushed, "You were so dear to me. You and Mrs Fitz. I never expected to but yes. I did. I found myself looking for you in every room I went into. My skin tingled when you were near, or when I could feel you watching me."  
"So you noticed that then, I thought I hid it well but I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I would make up excuses with Alec in the stables so that I could steal a glimpse here and there."  
"Is that why you went on the rent party? I thought it strange Dougal would invite you, given how they hid you so carefully at the castle, to then drag you all over the countryside for anyone to see."

"Aye. I couldna bear the thought of not being near you for weeks on end, of thinking of you out there on the road, cold, alone and in danger. I told Dougal he had to take me with him and he, obviously having plans of his own, had agreed." Jamie resumed playing with my hair and the back of my head after turning me back around to face away from him.

"Well I'm glad he did. Otherwise I might have found myself married to Rupert." I cringed at the thought, he was not known for his cleanliness or his charm but he did have a kind heart.

"Or Angus." Jamie teased me, "Now there's a match I'd like to see. Perhaps he could teach you some obedience." He added as I elbowed him in the ribs.

"Don't count on it." The puff of air escaping his lips as he gasped made me smile as his large arms warmed me as they wrapped around my own.

"Dinna Fash Sassenach. I love you just the way you are. Spirit and all."

"Well I'm glad." I entwined my arms in his as we lay there together, "Cause I'm not going anywhere." I promised him. I felt him relax as he settled in behind me. His mind now clear of doubt.

The rent party had been such an arduous affair that everything that had happened seemed to blend into each other as I tried to recall our time away from the Castle. So much had happened in such a short time, meeting the tenants, working wool, Captain Randall and the beating I had endured afterwards. My own life had also changed so dramatically, when I had left Leoch I was still a 'widow' trying desperately to get back to the stones, I had no interest in making this life my own. Now, I looked at my reflection in the mirror as I brushed my hair, now I was Mrs Claire Fraser, wife of a man with a price on his head, trapped at Castle Leoch with my husband and still held under suspicion as an English Spy by the Mackenzie and happier than I had been in years. Stretching out my hands, I twisted the newly minted ring on my finger and smiled. "Mrs James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser." I said out loud. Jamie was still sleeping on the bed behind me, his lips curled up in a smile as he visited far off lands. I tried to recall just when we had been married. In all the confusion the days had merged but it felt important to know the date, like I had known the date of my first marriage, so we could celebrate our anniversaries and record our own history.

"What's on your mind mo nighean donn?" He startled me as he reached over me and gripped me in his embrace.

"When were we married?" I asked. "The date I mean?" I had been so drunk at the time I could hardly recall.

"Oh Aye well…" Jamie did some math in his head and then "I believe it was the 8th of June Sassenach. Why?" He asked noting the wrinkles on my forehead and tracing them with his finger.

"I couldn't recall. It's nothing, silly really. I just wanted to know when our anniversary was." I let out a small half grunt half laugh and he seemed to relax a little as he played with my hair and traced his fingers across my collarbone.

"Mrs James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser." Jamie repeated softly as he smiled half winking at my reflection in the mirror.

"You heard that? I thought you were asleep?" I blushed.  
"I was, but then a beautiful angel woke me from my slumber and I was heralded by her call." He nodded, bowing as he took my hand and kissed it. "Milady."

"I can't believe it's already been four weeks." I said trying to do the math in my own head,

"Aye." Jamie agreed, "It feels like only yesterday I stood in that church and pledged ye my oath." He said as he kissed me quickly again his hand lingering on my chin before pouring a small glass of ale for the two of us. "To my beautiful wife." He toasted. "May she always be warm and fed and may she always be happy and loved."  
"And to my darling husband." I returned the toast, "May all his dreams come true."  
"They already have Sassenach." He said, emptying the cup in one sip and pulling me close. He took my head and tilted it up until my lips met his, then lifting me effortlessly off of the ground he carried me back towards the bed and lay me down gently on the sheets.

"Isn't Alec expecting you in the stables today?" I asked him as he kissed my lips and my neck.

"Aye but he will have to wait. My wife needs me." He stopped and smiled at me,

"Oh she does, does she." I questioned him, pretending to struggle.  
"Aye and she can be a down right vixen when she isna satisfied, so I must see to my husbandly duties first. The horses can wait."

"A vixen hey?" I pulled him closer and bit into his neck, leaving a small mark just above the collarbone. Jamie gasped at first, then smiled and bit me back, just above my breast. I found myself smiling at a stray thought that filled my mind. Mrs Graham had been right, my husband was not likely to stray far from my bed, but more to the point I wondered if he may ever leave my bed at all.


	2. Chapter 2: The Hall

**Chapter 2: The Hall**

It wasn't until that first week without him by my side, as he worked in the stables with Old Alec and I roamed the halls during the day, that I realised the reality of what my life had become. Having no skill at sewing or cooking Mrs Fitz had seen kindly enough to letting me help out in the garden in between seeing to patients and reading one of the many books in Cullum's library by the large old tree out in the courtyard. Jamie was often gone by the time I awoke, rising early to tend to the horses and I didn't see him again until supper was served in the main hall. I looked forward to seeing him all day long, and would steal glances up towards the stables whenever I could, visiting him if excuses permitted. Old Alec had quickly discouraged my visits however, complaining one afternoon that Jamie had been distracted and that I had best leave him to his duties. I had been angry at the suggestion, but in truth I knew he was right, Jamie had a job to do and so did I.

"You'll never believe what happened today Sassenach." Jamie greeted me as he entered the hall later that day. His face was beaming and he was covered in muck from top to toe.

"Have you been injured?" I asked him concerned. I thought I noticed a small abrasion to the top of his temple and pulled his hair back for a better look as he tried to lean in for a kiss.

"Dinna Fash, tis just a scratch." He assured me, his lips finding mine as he found his target. "Come let's eat and I'll tell you all about it." He was so giddy as he escorted us to the table that he barely stopped to take a breath. Jamie settled me in my seat and then took one beside me as he filled our plates from the food baskets in front of us, telling me of his adventures as he did so.

"There I was…" He continued his story. "Trying to calm the poor beast while Alec held her still but before we knew it the foal came flying out, all greased up ye ken and landed fair into my chest, the impact forcing me backwards and into the railing which collapsed sending logs and beams on top of me. All the while this wee foal was thrashing about trying to stand up as the barn collapsed around us."

"What did you do?" I asked trying to imagine the scene in my head,

"Aye. Alec picked up the foal and walked it towards it mother who was getting ready to come over and give me what for. I managed to get myself up and cleaned myself off as best I could before we both broke into fits of laughter." Jamie smiled, "It was quite a sight Claire, I wish you had been there. There's nothing like a new life coming into the world."

"I'm sorry I missed it." I smiled at him, I truly was it had seemed like such a magical moment.

"I'll take you up there tomorrow to see her." He said shoving another bannock into his mouth as he poured more glasses of ale.

"I'd like that." I nodded. I tried to smile, but my head was feeling a little dizzy and the smell of the meat cooking was making my stomach turn. There had been a bought of illness in the castle this weak and I was certain I had caught it.

"Are ye ill mo nighean donn." Jamie had stopped smiling and now looked at me with an air of concern, "You're as white as the sheets and ye've not touched ye food."

"I'm not hungry." I apologised, "I think I might go up to bed for a bit. It's been a long day."  
"Aye. I'll come with ye, maybe there's something I can do to help?" Jamie pushed his plate aside, I knew he was still hungry, he was always hungry.

"No it's all right Jamie." I said, trying to stop him from taking my arm as he helped me stand up from the table. "It's just…."

JAMMF

"Claire?" she collapsed in my arms like a sack of grain and I barely had time to catch her before she hit her head on the edge of the table. I gathered her in my arms as those around us moved the chairs out of the way as I hurried her upstairs. I cursed myself, there I was going on and on about the new foal and paying no mind to the fact that she was clearly unwell. This was all my fault.

"What's happened here then?" Murtagh asked as he followed close behind,

"I'm not sure." I worried as I followed Mrs Fitz instruction and lay her softly onto the bed. She was still unconscious but the colour was slowly returning to her cheeks. "What's wrong with her?" I asked watching as Mrs Fitz was checking her temperature and pouring some cool water onto a cloth.

"She does no have a fever." She thought aloud, "Here." She handed me the cloth, "Wipe her brow with this anyway, I'll fix her something to drink just in case."  
"Is she ill?" I yelled a little too loudly, grabbing Mrs Fitz arm as she walked away. My heart pounded and my mind raced, I couldn't lose her, not now.

"Is it the sweating sickness?" Murtagh asked concerned as he stood by the bed, arms crossed tight against is chest. There had been reports of it in the village. Claire had tended some of them and I prayed she hadn't caught it.

"I cannot say." Mrs Fitz added some herbs to a glass of water and stirred it erratically before handing it to me. "Shaw, here." she said, "Make her drink this."  
"Claire." I whispered holding her head in my hand as I tilted her towards me, the liquid pouring down her chin, "It's no use." I insisted as Mrs Fitz placed some smelling salts under her nose.

"Jamie." Claire woke up with a fright and I caught her in my arms.

"Shh. shhh mo nighean donn. You fainted is all." I tried to hide my worry, "Shaw." I tried feeding her the decoction again, "I need you to drink this."

"What is it?" She asked as I poured it into her mouth. She swallowed, the taste obviously bitter as the muscles of her face tightened. "Oh god." She moaned as she leaned over the side of the bed, what little she had managed to eat now distributed over the floor as Murtagh jumped back to avoid the spray.

"What have you done to her?" I yelled grabbing Mrs Fitz again, stopping her from applying any more herbs or potions.

"Not I." She stared back at me, then grinned, "I believe this is your doing young Jamie." She chuckled as Claire lay her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes.

"What are you talking about?" I heard Claire mumble as I wiped the cool cloth over her head again. All I could think about was how sick she looked and how helpless I felt. Mrs Fitz and Murtagh exchanged a passing glance, before Mrs Fitz grabbed Claire's hand, Claire opened her eyes in response. "No?" She shook her head then a look of shock formed over her face.

"Will somebody please tell me what is going on?" I screamed, what was so wrong with my wife that no one would tell me. Claire's face went pale again as her eyes rolled back in her head momentarily.

"She's having a bairn ye wee clot." Murtagh announced ceremoniously, tapping me on the back of the head for good measure. "Claire is pregnant." He spelled it out. At first I didn't hear him, I didn't want to know what was wrong, only that she would live, and then my thoughts lingered on my godfather's words.

"Claire? Pregnant? Is this true?" I asked her as she looked into my eyes apologetically.

"Oh god." She moaned, "I think she's right." Neither of us had planned on having family straight away, especially not under the circumstances, but the thought of becoming a father made my face beam with pride. "How did this happen?" Claire wondered aloud.  
"I think ye ken that well enough my dear." Mrs Fitz soothed her head, "After all ye two certainly spend enough time under the sheets if ye ken what I mean."

"Is she all right?" I asked, she had been so ill so suddenly, "Is the bairn?"

"They are fine lad." Mrs Fitz assured me, "Just the wee ones way of announcing his presence to the world. She should feel better in a few weeks."  
"Weeks?" Claire groaned and I sympathised with her. I didn't want her ill for another minute let alone for weeks. I reapplied the cool rag on her head and she reached out to take my hand. After all she was going through, she was trying to comfort me.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked, there had to be something.

"Ye've already done it." Murtagh chuckled as he placed another congratulatory hand on my shoulder. "Tis all up to Claire now."  
"Come." Mrs Fitz hugged me tightly, pinching my cheek as she smiled pleased at the news. She turned and patted Clair on the shoulder then grabbed the rag used to clean the floor, "She'll need her rest. Best leave them be." She urged Murtagh who followed her back out into the hall.

"Aye. I'll be in the hall if ye need anything." Murtagh added before he left. I closed the door behind them and then came to rest on the bed beside her. The sudden movement made her groan slightly.

"I'm so sorry Sassenach. I had no idea." I apologised as I lifted her slightly to cradle her against my chest.

"I'm all right, really. Besides." She tried to appear my positively, "Woman do this all the time."

"Aye, but I don't care about other woman, I care about you. It grieves me to see you so ill. When you fell into my arms in the hall." My heart still ached at the thought, "Let's just say I've never been so frightened in all of my life."

"I'm sorry. I should have told you I wasn't feeling well."  
"Aye ye should have, instead of letting me ramble on like some ignorant clot head."

"But I did enjoy listening to your story and I can't wait to meet the new foal."  
"Maybe tomorrow, when ye've rested a bit." I indulged her, fully intending to make sure she stayed rested until she was feeling better.

"Jamie." She asked me, hesitation in her voice, "Are you happy, about the baby I mean?"

"Aye Sassenach. I couldn't be happier it's just. Well it's not very good timing is all." Living like outlaws at Castle Leoch, the price still on my head and very little means to provide for my own self let alone a wife and a child. I feared what would happen to them, how would I keep them safe?  
"I know what you mean." She whispered, half groggy as she began drifting off to sleep, "At least it will be born with love."

"Aye mo nighean donn. You can rest assured of that." I stroked her hair as she fell asleep in my arms. I held her that way for a long time, trying to imagine our lives together, where we would live, how we would live, what the child might look like. Was it a boy or a girl? Now more than ever I had to find a way to make myself a free man, to provide them with the safety of a fine home and food on the table like they deserved. I couldn't in good conscious allow this child, my child to come into the world while I still lived off of the good graces of others. Most of all, I wanted to give my child a name it could be proud of, Fraser, not McTavish or some other rouse to fool the English, but a strong proud name worthy of the heir to Lallybroch.

JAMMF

Over the next two weeks I tried to recall what I had learned as a nurse, but the intricacies of pregnancy weren't highly discussed when it came to field nursing and war. I knew the basics, I'd assisted in a caesarean or two in my early days but I'd never really had much to do with pregnant women, or known any. I had found myself waking in the mornings, weak and ill, but it was often remedied by a sip of ale and some dry bannocks, which I now found in ample supply as I woke each morning by Mrs Fitz no doubt at the insistence of my husband. Jamie had taken to sleeping in and would only join Alec each morning after I had assured him that I was well enough to be left alone. By noon I would be back to my old self and eager to get out of the room and out into the garden for some fresh air before Jamie returned for the evening. The news had spread quickly around the castle and I was stopped regularly in the halls so they could offer their congratulations. Cullum kept his distance and I wondered if he greeted this news as fondly as we did. I also noticed that Jamie had grown more distant from his Uncles since our return.

"Can ye feel it?" He asked me one night, as he lay beside me his bare chest heaving up and down as he regained his breath. The one thing that hadn't changed was our passion for each other once we were alone in our chamber at night.

"Not yet." I was only six weeks pregnant if my calculations were correct. I hadn't noticed at the time but I hadn't had my regular courses since just before our marriage and I had to assume that the child had been conceived on our wedding night or very shortly after. "It's too soon."  
"How? When?" He had tried to ask, just as curious as myself.

"Six weeks I think." I smiled at him as I watched his eyes dart back and forth as he did the math in his head. The numbers tallied, his bright blue eyes lit up as he put two and two together. "Mmm Hmm." I confirmed. It was considered a sign of strength and virility in these parts for a man to get his wife with child as soon after the wedding as possible. Jamie's seed had certainly achieved that and he grinned pleased with himself as if he had just won a marathon.

"But I thought, that is Gellis told me that you were barren." He asked confused.  
"I thought I was." I sighed, "I had tried before without any luck."  
"With your first husband." He added solemnly, "Aye well." He rubbed my belly and looked up at me, "It would seem that it wasna you who was barren after all Sassenach."  
"You can say that again." I couldn't help but think of poor Frank, who cherished family so dearly and wanted nothing more than a child of his own, and now it appeared he was unable to do just that.

"You didn't mind that I couldn't have children?" I asked him, I should have told him, but the fact the he knew and didn't tell me surprised me, "You weren't angry? I should have told you."  
"Aye. I cannae believe it would be an easy truth to tell and given our situation I thought it was for the best. But I cannae say I wasn't disappointed Sassenach, to be sure I was, but it didn't stop me from loving you any less."

"What are we going to do now?" I asked him, as he watched his hand on my stomach rise and fall. I placed my hand on his, and he took at and kissed it softly.

"I'm not sure mo gradh, but I'll think of something." He promised. "Dinna Fash, whatever happens I'll make sure that you and the bairn are well cared for."

"What does that mean?" I sat up abruptly, what wasn't he telling me?

"Shhh, hush. I dinnae mean to scare ye. It's just, this is not an easy life and with the English on our tails. If something were to happen to me, I need to know that there will be a place for you. Not just here at Leoch, but someone safe." He held me close, in a protective embrace as I wrapped myself around his large arms.  
"Are we not safe here. Don't your Uncles protect you?" What had they done to scare him so I wondered and not for the first time.

"Aye, only so long as I do their bidding. But there may come a time when I'm no longer able to follow them blindly. I've a family to think about now mo nighean donn. I can't go roaming around the countryside for months on end, not knowing where my next meal is coming from. That life is behind me now."  
"I'm sorry about that Jamie." Ever since my arrival his life had been thrown into chaos. I felt terribly guilty about that, he deserved a simple life free from conspiracies and persecutions.  
"Don't be." He stroked my chin, kissing me softly, "I never wanted that life truth be told. No. I dreamed of a bonny lass to call my own, some land to farm and a family to pass it onto. I'm a simple man ye ken. I don't know when, I don't know how but I promise ye Sassenach that we will have that one day."  
"I'd like that very much." I kissed him back. A simple life, a home, a family. I had never had these things but I had often dreamed of what it would be like if I did, and now I dreamed of what it would be like to have them with Jamie.


	3. Chapter 3: Sandringham

**Chapter 3: Sandringham**

Later that September, the Castle was busy preparing for the imminent arrival of the Duke of Sandringham. I didn't recall much of his history, only bits and pieces overheard from Franks conversations, but I knew enough that he was not to be trusted. I knew Dougal still considered me a spy, so I decided to keep what little I knew to myself, not that it was of much use to anyone else anyway. Mrs Fitz had been cooking for days and there were enough pies and bannocks and dishes to feed a small army. Mackenzie men had found and shot four wild pigs and they now roasted over the large fires at each end of the hall. I stole an apple as I walked past the festively adorned tables that now ran down the middle of the large room as I made my way out to the garden for a rest after the morning surgeries. Jamie had insisted that if I wasn't going to give up my work, that I at least limit my hours to between his leaving and noon, and that I stay clear of anything that could harm the bairn. Thinking it a reasonable request I had accepted his suggestion and promised to take things easy. This in turn meant that Jamie was free to return to his duties at the stable without having to keep running to check in on me, or with any of the number of spies he had hidden around the castle, Mrs Fitz included.

"You'll be wanting more than that." She bounded up to me as I made my way past the hall with my apple. "You're eating for two now, here." She shoved a handful of cheese and some fresh made bannock into my hands. "Made them myself just for ye. Need to keep you fit and strong." She grinned.

I took them from her with a forced smile, "Thank you." I nodded. At least it was easier to stomach than the kidney pie she had given me yesterday or the, whatever it was, she had insisted that I eat the week before. I still found it difficult to eat, especially before dark, and when I did eat, it seemed that I could only keep down plain foods but my many physicians insisted that I eat as much meat and fresh vegetables from the garden as possible. "You shouldn't have."

"Hush now, young Jamie is like a son to me, and that bairn of yours is like a grandchild. I am so happy for ye both."

"That's very kind of you." I hugged her back as she squeezed me a little too tight for comfort,

"Don't mention it. Now go and get some rest. I'll call for you when dinner is ready." She patted me on the back to send me on my way.

I hadn't been reading long before my rest had been interrupted yet again, but this time it was a pleasant distraction. "Hello." I smiled as he leaned in and kissed me, "Alec give you some time off did he?"  
"Aye." He sat down beside me with a smile on his face, "How are ye feeling?"

"I'm good, we're good." I said stroking my belly as he rested his hand there.

"Good." He smiled,

"You didn't come to just check on me I hope, surely one of your spies would have told you what I was up to?"  
"I'm sure I dinnae ken what you mean." He grinned looking away with a guilty expression on his face, "Murtagh came to see me. I've got some good news."

"What is it?" I wondered, what could have him so happy?  
"The Duke of Sandringham will be here tomorrow." He announced, pleased.  
"Yes I know, that's not exactly news."

"Aye." He nodded, "But Murtagh was speaking to Ned. It seems we can appeal to the Duke, ask him for a pardon on the ground that Randall is not acting in his right mind. Ned thinks we have a shot."  
"Ask the Duke of Sandringham for a pardon. Not to dampen your enthusiasm but what makes you think he will agree to that?"  
"Ned assures me that once we plead our case, he'll not want to be associated with the likes of Captain Randall. I could finally be free Sassenach, free to take you and the bairn back to Lallybroch."

"That's wonderful news." He swept me up in his arms and kissed me so strongly I could hardly breath. When he finally set me back down, I rearranged my clothing where it had bundled up under his strong grip and tried to regain my footing. He was so excited, I wanted to share in his joy but something deep inside me felt a terrible dread. "Are you sure we can trust him?"  
"Sandringham ye mean?" He asked, taking my hands and sitting beside me.

"Yes." I nodded, and he took my chin to level my eyes with his,

"I ken what you mean Sassenach and I ken it too. It is an awful risk that he doesn't just turn me over to the red coats himself." He acknowledged. "That's why I have sent Ned in advance to meet with him." Jamie stroked my cheek and kissed me on the forehead, "Dinna Fash Claire. I'll not let anything happen to me. I plan to be around for a long time yet."  
"I'm glad to hear it." I kissed him back I had no intention of raising this child on my own, "Just be careful." I urged him reverently.  
"Aye. I promise mo nighean donn"

JAMMF

The next night there was a giant feast as the Duke came to meet with Cullum and Dougal. As was custom he sat at the head of the table with the Mackenzie's, while Jamie and I hid amongst the other inhabitants of the Castle, seated in the middle of the room. Ned had assured Jamie that the meeting had gone well, but Jamie wanted to get the measure of the Duke for himself before meeting with him the following day. He had met him once before, he had told me of the last time the Duke had visited the castle, of how he had been inclined to let his eye wander, and not at the ladies. I cringed at how uncomfortable the tale made Jamie feel and hoped that his refusal of the Dukes advances wouldn't taint the proposal he was about to make.

"Shaw." Jamie reached over to grab me a fresh bannock from the pile in the middle, and grabbed me some fresh cuts of well cooked pork. Do you think you could stomach that at least?" He asked, concerned that I hadn't been eating much in the last few weeks. I had tried to assure him that it was normal, but he worried just the same.

"Perfect" I thanked him. The first few weeks had been tough on us both, but now that we had settled into a routine and the shock had worn off I found myself starting to feel better, at least in the afternoons.

"Good." He smiled, "We can't have you wasting away, we need to put some meat on ye bones." He suggested, his eyes rolling over my rear and thighs.

The thought made me smile "I'm sure I'll be nice and round in no time." We exchanged another smile, Jamie reached under the table and took my hand in his as we looked towards the front of the room where Cullum was starting his speech.

JAMMF

"Your Royal Highness, the Duke of Sandringham, I would like to introduce you to my wife. Mrs Claire Fraser." Jamie held my hand high as I curtseyed. It was barely late morning and the last thing I wanted to be doing was dressing up in a corset and bending and bowing but the Duke had insisted in an early morning meeting before going out to hunt Stag with some of the clansman for the afternoon.

"Delighted to meet you Mrs Fraser." He responded, as I stood up and tried to shake the cobwebs from my head and the sickly feeling in my throat.

"And I you." I replied, taking Jamie's arm to steady myself. I felt his hand tighten around my own as I leaned in to him a little.

"You look a little peaked my dear. Are you ill?"  
"She is with child, Your Grace." Jamie nodded proudly, "The mornings are not very kind to her at the moment."  
"Congratulations to you both." The Duke took my hand and grabbed both cheeks, "I hope you feel better soon my dear."

"I'm sure I will." I nodded, starting to feel a little sturdier on my feet already.

"Such a shame that I must take your husband from you this afternoon. But I promise to return him unharmed."  
"The Stag hunt." I realised, "I'm sure I can manage." I looked to Jamie, who was watching me fondly as I shared witty remarks with the Duke. If I could make him laugh, or at least keep him happy then Jamie at least had a chance. I spoke with them for a few more minutes, the Duke trying his best to shock me or impress me. It wasn't until someone walked past with a tray of hot bacon for the breakfast table that I felt my stomach lurch. I placed a hand over my mouth quickly, Jamie caught my gesture and placed a hand around my waist trying to hold me steady, but it was no use. "Excuse me." I asked before waiting for a reply as Jamie reluctantly watched me leave.

I returned to the room almost an hour later to find that they had all left on the hunt. Mrs Fitz found me staring at the empty room and came to stand by me.

"Young Jamie has gone Lass. The duke was eager to leave and Jamie asked me to tell ye that he would be back before nightfall."  
"Oh." I don't know why, but I felt disappointed that he hadn't come to find me before he left.

"Do not worry about him. Jamie can take care of himself ye ken."  
"I'm sure he can." I agreed, after all he had done so long before he met me, but still.

"Are you feeling better yet Lass? He mentioned you were ill again."  
"Unfortunately. It's just in the mornings, it will pass."  
"Aye. Only a few more weeks now." She grinned, "Then you will be blooming like a flower in spring time."  
"I can't wait." I truly couldn't. All I felt for the last ten weeks since we had first found out was sick, I didn't feel the warm glow of pregnancy at all. I was now fourteen weeks gone with child, surely the morning sickness would end soon I prayed.

"Go and rest my dear, I'll send for ye if anyone needs tending."  
"Thank you Mrs Fitz. For everything." I bowed as I graciously left to rest my head on my pillow for a few more hours.

JAMMF

I don't know how long I slept for, but the sun was low in the sky as I woke up and remembered where I was. I could hear a commotion downstairs and looked out of the window to see the Stag Hunt procession approaching the Castle. Making myself look presentable, I made my way downstairs to welcome them home. I recognised the large red head on the tall Black stallion straight away and made my way through the crowd.

"Welcome home." I yelled as he jumped off of his horse and took me in his arms.

"It was a braw hunt Sassenach. A braw hunt indeed." He seemed quite pleased with himself, as did the other members of the hunt as three Stags were paraded before the crowd. Jamie had one arm around my waist as the other held Donas reigns.

"Did you get a chance to speak to Sandringham." I asked him as we walked towards the stables.

"Aye and he's agreed to consider my proposal."

"That's wonderful." I realised the Duke was watching us as we made our way inside and I didn't know if it was suspicion or lust that I saw in his eyes, or for whom the look was intended.

"Aye Tis." Jamie agreed.

"I'll see you in the morning Fraser." The Duke called out as we moved out of sight.

"What's tomorrow?" I asked him, as he seemed reluctant to tell me.

"The Duke has asked me to be his second in a duel as payment for my request."

"He what?" I stopped short, forcing Jamie to spin around and face me, "You're going to participate in a duel?" What if he was injured, or killed? How could he agree to such a thing?  
"I am but his second, I am in no danger." He grabbed my hand, to lead me forward but I remained where I was.  
"I don't like the sounds of that at all."  
"Well it's better than offering up my hind quarters is it not?" He joked, then tried to stifle his laugh when it was clear I was not amused. I felt my stomach turn and held my belly instinctively. "I promise you Claire." He moved in closer, whispering my name, "There is no danger, is just a friendly match between the Duke and the Campbell's. The Duke will be the one in the line of fire, I'm simply there as decoration."  
"You be careful Jamie Fraser. I still don't trust that man." I relented, grabbing his shirt collar and kissing him to prove I was not angry.

"Always." He smiled.

JAMMF

I left Claire to rest in our chambers while I settled things downstairs. Mrs Fitz had informed me that she had spent most of the day sleeping and I was beginning to worry. She looked so thin and pale and she hadn't eaten anything in weeks. I didna ken much about how babies worked or women for that matter, but surely it couldn't be good for either of them. I grabbed some scraps from the kitchen, and made my way to the stables to check on Donas. I was taken by surprise when I found Dougal attending to his own horse, as many of the others were already deep into celebration inside the castle walls.

"What's on ye mind lad?" He asked me as he came up to Donas's stall. "You look troubled."

"It's Claire." I admitted, after all he was like a father to me and he had given me sound advice before, not to mention he had three daughters of his own. "I fear she is far weaker than she is letting on."  
"Aye. Tis true that carrying a bairn can bring much misery to a woman." He recalled, "My Moira was bedridden for two of our three bairns."  
"Did she suffer?" I asked, "Was she ill the whole time?"  
"Off and on. I wasna there much but she would tell me that the first three months are the hardest."

"Aye. I ken that. Claire's been with child fourteen weeks now and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. She can't keep anything down. To be honest I'm deeply worried for her."  
"It'll pass, give it another week and she'll be complaining about everything else. Not all women are the same, some are stronger than others, I'll bet my last gold coin that Claire is the strongest of the lot."

"I wilna disagree with you on that one. I just wish there was something I could do."  
"Nothing much we can do, except to stay out of their way." Dougal grabbed his flask and held it up, "Come. Let's have a drink to the bairn and I might tell you some good news of my own."

"Aye." I knew Claire would be asleep and I didn't want to wake her, so I followed Dougal inside eager to hear what his good news might be.

JAMMF

The duel had not gone well, and the Masters of Campbell had objected to how their father had dealt with the matter. Ultimately I had been forced to defend the Duke with my sword. I managed to take the three young Masters down, but not without receiving injury to myself. Fearful of the scandal, the Duke had left the scene immediately but not before taking my letter to keep his word. As I lay on the ground, my side cut open and bleeding, my only thought was how angry Claire was going to be and how I would make this up to her.

Someone had fetched my horse for me, and I had travelled the few miles between the Campbell's and the Castle as slowly as I could so as not to tear open the wound. By the time I had arrived at Leoch the hour was late and my shirt was drenched in my blood making it look far worse than it was.

"Christ Jamie what happened?" Claire had bellowed as they helped me off of my horse and into her surgery.

"It's nothing, really." I tried to assure her but I could feel the steam building within her. It was going to take a lot more than a stray smile and an apologetic hug to win this one.

"Take off your shirt." She ordered coldly grabbing a basin and a sponge. She cleaned the wound, with the same care and sympathy as a maid bashing the washing against a rock. I tried not to flinch, to let her see how painful it was, but I ken she knew and was making me pay for not keeping my word.

"I truly am sorry Sassenach. I had no idea that they would react that way. They left me no choice."  
"No choice, no choice." She mumbled, "And what choice did you leave me when you chose to agree to this preposterous event?"  
"Aye. I can see now that you were right."  
"Don't even try." She warned me.

"At least he took the letter." I informed her, trying to find something positive from it all.

"Fat lot of good that will do when I'm done with you." She threatened me as she began to sew the wound. I didn't reply, I just sat there, watching as she took pleasure in every stitch.

"The Laird wishes to see you." Mrs Fitz grandson announced as he darted in and then out of the room. Clearly trying to avoid Claire's wrath.

"Aye. Tell him I'll be there in a moment." Claire finished sowing up my wound and took a step back. "I truly am sorry Sassenach. I never wished to cause ye grieve or worry."  
"Well you have." She hissed at me, "Will Cullum be very angry?" She asked, the venom in her tone almost gone just as quickly.

"There's a fair chance." I warned her, grabbing her chin and kissing her as she looked up to meet my gaze, "But it's nothing I can't handle. It'll be all right mo nighean donn. You'll see."

"It better." She warned me again, "Or I'll never forgive you James Fraser."


	4. Chapter 4: Facing Colum

**Chapter 4: Facing Cullum**

"What's going on?" I asked Ned as I entered the room to find Cullum and Dougal in a heated argument.

"The Fiscal's just died. Cullum had word that it was poison, and Dougal and the Fiscal's wife have been implicated." Ned whispered as he tried not to draw Cullum's attention.

"Surely he doesn't believe…"  
"It appears the Fiscal's wife is pregnant, with Dougal's child no less. The evidence does not look good." Dougal had admitted to the affair and the child last night while we had been drinking, but I never would have believed him capable or cold blooded murder.

"What does Cullum mean to do about it?" I wondered, hoping his anger at Dougal didn't make him over react when it came time to dealing with me.

"He means to banish him, send him back to his own lands until the scandal blows over."

"Banishment. That's a bit extreme isn't it?" I asked Ned, but had clearly raised my objection a little too loudly and found myself face to face with Cullum Mackenzie.

"And you Jamie Fraser… Your treachery with the Duke has not escaped my attention either. You stay close to my brother. You see that he follows my lead in all matters and so that I know that your mind is on my orders and nothing else. You will go with him and you'll leave that wife of yours behind." Cullum ordered, his voice full of venom.

I knew that having sworn my oath to obey him while on Mackenzie lands, that I would have no say in the matter, but I felt my blood boil as I found my fists clenching ready for a fight, coming to stand face to face with Cullum, just as much venom in my own words as his.

"I will not leave my wife….." The idea of having to leave her behind, almost four months gone with child was stirring up a rage within me. Especially knowing how ill she had been.

"You will do as I say and there will be no more word about it. Do I make myself clear?" Cullum did his best attempt to stand strong and regal as he laid down his orders. I had no choice, his mind was so vexed he would not listen to reason. I nodded in agreement and hoped that I could change his mind before it came time to leave.  
"Good, make the arrangements, you leave tonight."  
"Tonight?" I questioned him again only angering him further,

"If you like I can send you on your way now, and have your things sent to the estate afterwards." He threatened me. "The two of you sicken me. Your women have made you soft. Get out of my sight, the pair of ye."

"Dinna fear lad." Ned took me by the arm as we made our way down the stairs, "I'll look after Claire. Once Cullum calms down he will see reason and you will be with her again."

"I cannae leave her." I objected, "Not while she's with child." Not ever I thought to myself.  
"You have no choice my son. The Lairds orders are final; you ken that better than anyone. If he throws you out of Leoch all together you'll be at the English's mercy, you and your wife." My fists ached from holding them so tightly as my teeth ground against each other. Ned was right. As much as it pained me, at least this way Claire was safe, for now.

"You'll make sure she's safe, that no harm comes to her?" I asked, looking back in Cullum's direction. His threats against her safety when we had first arrived still fresh in my ears. "This is not England" he had said "And life here can be perilous." The tone in his voice still sent shivers down my spine.

"Aye." Ned nodded, clearly aware of what had happened, "You have my word no harm will come to Claire or the child."

JAMMF

"I don't understand; how can he force you to go?" I asked him as he tied the last of his provisions to his horse and turned to say goodbye. I could feel the tears running down my cheek and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

"It is our way Sassenach. I'm sure in a week or two Cullum will see reason and allow us back home but for now." He pulled me close, holding me as if for the last time, "Stay safe mo nighean donn." It wasn't just an idle request, there was urgency in his voice.  
"Come back to me James Fraser." I begged him.

"As soon as I can." He promised, a tear falling down his own cheek as he rested his hand on my belly. "You take care of yourself and the bairn, I cannae wait to meet him." He leaned his forehead into mine, then gathered me up and kissed me, as if it were a final goodbye. I struggled to keep myself composed, to let him go as he set me back down and stepped away to mount his horse, while Dougal shouted orders to hurry up. "Promise me." He called out from atop Donas, "You'll be careful. There are dangers where you least expect them Sassenach. Remember what I've taught ye."  
"I will." I promised as I watched him trot off towards Dougal. "I love you James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser." I called out to him, as he turned around and smiled back at me one last time.

JAMMF

The bed felt so cold without him there to draw me near and to hold me tight and I found myself jumping at every noise that went bump in the night. Without him there to talk to and keep ourselves entertained I found the nights to be long and often awoke in the hours before dawn, I tried to fill the hours with reading and had taken to sketching the herbs I had gathered in my journals. More often than not I found myself standing by the window and looking out over the hills hoping to catch a glimpse of his early return, holding my belly where it had just started to show and whispering to our child stories of my parents and how I had come to know her father, and promising her that Jamie would be back in no time. 'A few weeks' he had said 'and Cullum would see reason'. I had counted the days, waited for word with baited breath but now after three weeks and still no word from him, or a friendly gesture from Cullum himself, my hopes were fading into dread with the realisation that my isolation may go on for some time yet.

"Here ye go Lassie." Mrs Fitz greeted me in her usual matter, trying to hide her empathy for my situation as she went about her duties, "I saved a nice hot bowl of porridge for ye."

"Thank you." I nodded at took the bowl, taking my place on a stool in the corner as had become customary these past few weeks. It was more pleasant than eating alone in my room, or in the hall and allowed me some well needed interaction with Mrs Fitz and her maidservants. "It's perfect as always."  
"It's just plain porridge." She blushed taking out the latest batch of bannocks from the fire and placing them out on the table before her.

"Could you teach me to cook these?" I asked her, a faint chuckle escaping her lips. My lack of culinary skills, and embroidery, had been a great source of gossip amongst the women.

"Aye, I could try." She said hesitantly, "I suppose with a bairn on the way it wouldn't hurt to teach you how to make a meal or two…" She hesitated, but the look in her eye finished the sentence for her. 'Just in case. Just in case my husband never came back and I needed to fend for myself.'

"I would be most grateful." I placed a hand on her shoulder and tried to ease her conscious. I tried to fight it but I felt my throat tighten at the thought of never seeing Jamie again.

"He'll be back soon ye ken." She smiled up at me, "He loves ye too fiercely to stay away for too long." Mrs Fitz nodded, then placed a hand on my belly, "In the meantime you just make sure that bairn of yours stays fit and healthy. We need to look after ye, it'll be a braw lad just like its father."  
"I hope your right." I smiled, taking the bannock she offered me then stepping back out of the way.

JAMMF

After breakfast I took one of my many strolls through the garden, the weather was changing from the warmth of Summer to the cooler months of Autumn and the flowers and heather born in Spring were in full bloom. I would sit and sketch the various plants, record their features and take in their scents as I sat in the fields and waited. It was the only place that I didn't feel watched or pitied here I could be alone with my thoughts. I had just begun to pick a few wildflowers to press between the pages of my book when Mrs Fitz's nephew came walking up in haste through the fields. "Mrs Fraser, Mrs Fraser." He called out as he found me. My heart caught in my through and I could hardly breath, was it news from Jamie? I sat up quickly and shortened the distance between us. "There's news for you from the village." He continued.

"Is it Jamie?" I asked hopefully taking the letter from his hand.

"I don't think so mistress, but they said it was urgent." I opened the letter, my hands shaking. I realised immediately it wasn't Jamie's handwriting, and my heart broke a little with disappointment. It simply read 'Come quick, Gellis'.

"Who gave you this?" I asked the young boy.

"There was a messenger from town. I don't know more than that."

I thought about it a moment, "Thank you." I dismissed him and read the letter again. Jamie had warned me to stay out of the village, to stay away from Gellis but what if she really did need me? What if it was the baby? after all she was almost six months gone with child and there were any number of things that could go wrong. I looked up at the castle, if I was quick I could go to the village and back before anyone realised I was gone. Supper wouldn't be for another few hours yet and Mrs Fitz would probably just assume I had gone to my room to rest. I tried to convince myself not to go, to listen to Jamie's advice, but I couldn't in good conscious ignore Gellis if she really did need my help. I gathered my things and made my way to the stables to gather Brimstone.

JAMMF

"The village was quiet as I rode in and there was no sign that anyone was in distress. I stabled Brimstone around the corner out of site and made my way to Gellis's front door. Her maid let me in straight away and I was whisked upstairs to where Gellis kept her potions and herbs. To my surprise she looked quiet well and almost startled by my presence.

"Claire." She gasped, "What are you doing here?"  
"I got your note." I said pulling it out for her to inspect.

"I didn't write this." She proclaimed turning it over and over, "Someone's having a joke at your expense I should imagine."

"A joke?" I don't know how anyone would find this funny I thought to myself, and then a sickening thought came to me just as the door below announced her visitors.

"Who is it?" She asked her maid.

"Gellis." I tried to grab her attention, "You need to run, now."

"I what?" She asked as her maid announced that the visitors were there to take her into custody. "What is this?" She asked, still not taking it seriously.  
"Cullum?" I mumbled as they stormed up the stairs. I slammed the door, eager for a moment to think. "We need to go, now."  
"How?" Gellis looked to me, not realising the trouble she was in. "There's nothing they can do, not once Dougal hears of this."  
"You don't know?" I asked her, my stomach in knots. "Dougal's been banished, he left weeks ago. Cullum sent Jamie with him."

"Cullum wouldn't do that." She objected.  
"He did, and my money is on him being behind this as well." I snapped at her as the men outside tried to break down the door, "He doesn't approve of either of our marriages." If marriage is what you could loosely call what Gellis and Dougal had, "The child your carrying, it has Mackenzie blood and it's a threat to him, to Hamish and the clan."  
"If you're right Claire." Gellis finally stopped to listen, "Then you are in as much danger as I." She announced as the door flew open and we were both grabbed by the arms before being dragged downstairs and thrown into the back of a carriage.


	5. Chapter 5: Cranesmuir

**Chapter 5: Cranesmuir**

It was cold and damp inside the thieves hole and the smell was almost unbearable. I tried to sit up closer to the entrance where the small slivers of light allowed me to see what I was sitting in, and a faint breeze of fresh air on occasion. Gellis sat opposite me, looking just as dishevelled as I. Two stale bannocks were thrown down into the hole later in the afternoon and they landed in the muck that surrounded us. I couldn't stomach the thought of eating it, but there was no way of knowing when we would be fed next and I knew I needed to keep up my strength.

"Don't worry." Gellis offered comfort, "Dougal will come." She said sitting back at nibbing at her own bannock.

"Who's going to tell him we're here?" I asked her, If Colum was behind this then we were truly on our own. "They are a five days ride away at least, it would take over a week for them to come for us." I reminded her as we listened to the sound of hammering out in the courtyard above us, and the sounds of villagers calling for justice.

I held my belly, shaking, what would happen to Jamie? This would tear him apart once he found out. My mind raced with facts and plans, trying to come up with something that would help us to escape, not just the thieves hole but the fire that awaited us outside. I'd seen men burn, seen their flesh falling from their bones, their hair singed and their skin melted. I'd heard their screams as the nerves sat exposed and they cried out to die. It had to be one of the worst ways to die, and here I was, faced with the knowledge that in a few hours or days it would be me who faced the flames. I shuddered at the thought and tried to wrap myself tight up in a ball against the damp walls of our cell. I tried to imagine being back in my chamber, looking out the window staring at the road into Leoch. Jamie appearing on the horizon as promised. If I wished it hard enough, I might just be able to wake up from this horrible dream.

JAMMF

I was awoken the next morning by the sound of another stale bannock hitting the walls as it was thrown down into our hole. Gellis was already awake and had clearly been watching me sleep. "What time is it?" I asked her, not sure how long I had been asleep for.

"Mid-morning by my guess, they've been gathering since dawn." She informed me. "They'll come to get us soon. I suspect the trial will only last a day or two."  
"Trial?" I asked still half sleepy as she threw me the bannock,

"Even as witches we are entitled to a trial, not that it will do us any good." Her mood had changed, she had clearly considered our position and realised we were helpless. There was an odd serenity to knowing your fate and that there was nothing to be done about it.

"Are you not afraid to die?" I asked her,

"No, that's not to say that I want to die, but if this is my time then there is little I can do about it."  
"What about the baby?" I asked stroking my own as it slept inside of me.

"I'll see him, in the next world. I'm sure of that." She smiled, "Do you believe in the next world Claire?"  
"I've never really thought about it." I admitted, "But it is a comforting thought. My only regret is that Jamie will never get to see her." Jamie I thought again, he was going to be devastated. I couldn't just sit here and accept my fate, I had to fight, for him, for the child. "Oh god, what have I done?"  
"Shhh." She sat forward to comfort me, "It will not do either of us any good to get yourself distressed. Hysterics are a symptom of witchcraft ye ken."  
"I don't care." I snapped at her, "I can't die here, not like this." I stood up and tried to reach the bars above us, "Help, help." I called out, "Can anyone hear me?"

"Silence." A guard called out as he kicked the bars to shake me loose.

"My name is Claire Elizabeth Fraser, I am the wife of James Fraser, nephew of the Laird Colum Mackenzie I demand to speak to somebody at once."

"And I'm King Arthur." He laughed at me.

"Listen to me, listen to me." I begged, but he was already gone.

"Claire!" Gellis urged me to calm down, but my anger at the situation turned to anger for her as I slumped down against the wall as far from her as I could.

"This is your fault." I yelled at her, "Why did you have to kill your husband, Colum's no fool. He'll never let you be with Dougal."  
"Colum won't be around much longer, and you ken that well. Who do you think will be Laird when he is gone? Not young Jamie?"  
"He has no intentions, he just wants to be left alone."  
"Aye. So he says." Gellis clearly sided with Dougal's opinion that Jamie was a threat. "Dougal will be Laird and when he is, he will choose me as his Lady."  
"What about young Hamish?" I asked, did she mean to do him ill as well?

"He'll be looked after; he is Dougal's son after all." She winked at me. "Dougal will be Laird and together we will bring forward the fight and set about putting the rightful King back on his throne."  
"Oh my god." I gasped aloud as I realised what was happening, "You're a bloody Jacobite, just like Dougal."  
"Aye." She nodded proudly, "And with a clan as big as the Mackenzie's behind us, there's no way we can lose."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, all this posturing, murder, manipulations was to fight a war that history would record as the biggest disaster in Scottish history. Let them have their bloody war I thought to myself, just leave me and Jamie out of it. The bars above us suddenly opened and an vile smelling villager reached down and grabbed Gellis by the shirt. "Come." He ordered as another placed a rickety old ladder into the hole. We made our way up to the road above, our hands bound as they walked us into the church ready to begin our trial. We had been in the hole for three days, and if Gellis was right, in another two we would simply be ashes in the wind.

My head spun as I watched the small church filled to the brim with simple villagers, their faces passionate, screaming for the witches to be burned. There was no one that I recognised, no one to come to my defence. I gripped the front of our stall tightly as we stood for hours on end, listening to tale after tale about how the villagers had been hexed or ill-treated by our evil ways. The stories were so preposterous, so fanciful that it was hard to fathom anyone believing that they could be true and yet every person in this room took them as fact. Gellis laughed each tale off, still confident that she would be rescued, but each word I heard felt like another nail in the coffin. It wasn't until I saw the small familiar man, rimmed glasses and white handkerchief pushing his way through the crowd that I allowed myself to have some glimmer of hope.

"Ned." I smiled as he looked up at me,

"Are you all right lassie?" He asked as he approached the council.

"I'm all right." I whispered back at him, trying to convince myself.

"I am here to represent these poor ladies who have been falsely accused of the crime of witchcraft." He had announced regally as the crowd behind him hissed and booed.

Ned had tried gallantly to make them see reason, for every tale they brought forward as evidence, he countered with a more realistic explanation of events. The trial went into the late afternoon, my legs and my back ached from standing for so long and I felt nauseous and dizzy from what I assumed was low blood pressure. When the light outside faded and the trial was suspended for the evening, Ned had finally managed to calm the crowd down to a dull roar. He walked with us as they escorted us back to the hole, his face cringing at the site of our accommodations.

"Have you heard from Jamie?" I asked him hopefully, thinking Colum may have changed his mind. "Did Colum send you?"

"I'm afraid not my dear." Ned bowed his head almost shamefully, "I'm awfully sorry that you had to get caught up in all of this." He apologised. I took his meaning, there wasn't much that Colum did, that Ned wasn't a part of. I could only imagine by the sorrow in his voice that brief glint of anger at the mention of Colum's name that he must have objected to Colum's plan, maybe even defied his orders to be here.

"You have to help me Ned. You need to get word to Jamie." I begged as the dragged me away from him and shoved me down the ladder.  
"Be gentle with her." Ned urged the man on deaf ears. "Stay strong my dear. I'll do everything I can, I promise." He yelled out as he was escorted away.

I don't know how, but he returned sometime in the night, with a small blanket and some fresh bread and ale. He didn't speak, simply nodded and gave a reassuring smile barely noticeable in the moonlight, then disappeared into the night as quickly has he had appeared. Gellis was sound asleep, but I settled myself by her side and wrapped us both in the blanket for warmth, keeping the ale and the bannocks hidden in my skirt for our breakfast. Even if he had told Jamie I reminded myself, there was no way to get to us in time. Our only hope was Ned Gowan and a little luck.

JAMMF

I'd been riding for almost two days, the weather had been kind but the nights were cool and I had taken to sleeping in the thickets so that the thick scrub could protect me from the harsh night winds. With a price on my head, it also paid to stay out of sight while my guard was down. It had been three weeks, three weeks since I had last seen or heard from her. Colum had ignored my requests to be heard on the matter and I was growing more and more apprehensive each day. I needed to know if she was all right, if she was and the bairn were being looked after. I knew, from the short time we had had together, that she would be feeling my loss as keenly as I was feeling hers. My heart ached to hear her voice, to touch her hair and to take her in my arms. I couldn't stand another moment without her, and it had been such a long and lonely night that I had decided that under orders or not, I would take a ride back to Leoch, sneaking into the castle walls if need be to fetch her and bring her home with me. Colum would be furious with my disobedience, but he hadn't given me much choice. Dougal on the other hand was so full with drink that he would scarcely notice my absence.

It was on such morning, just after first light, that I had witnessed a horse I ken well galloping past me at great haste. The rider had ridden straight past me, hidden in my hollow, but something told me to chase after him. Saddling Donas as quick as I could, I was hot on his heels in no time, coming up behind him so fast that he had almost fallen off his mount in fright when I pulled my own horse up in front of his own to slow him down.

"What the devil are you doing here?" I asked Old Alec, his hair wild and his shirt covered in sweat, he looked like he had been in the saddle for days,

"I was looking for you." He panted trying to catch his breath as I handed him my ale.

"Is it the bairn?" I panicked, something must be terribly wrong for old Alec to ride like the devil to find me. My chest tightened and my heart quickened as a thousand thoughts filled my mind.

"Mrs Fitz sent me." He continued, almost afraid to tell me what he had to say, "Claire has been arrested for witchcraft."  
"She what?" The idea was preposterous, surely he was mistaken.

"She was with Gellis Duncan when she was arrested. The two of them have been imprisoned at Cranesmuir."

"Arrested, when?" I knew how vicious witch trials could be.  
"Three days ago now. I came as soon as I could." He apologised. A surge of panic filled me. Three days, they were likely found guilty by now and the sentences were usually carried out swiftly.

"What does Colum have to say about it?" I wondered, half suspicious that he hadn't arranged it in the first place. Alec took another sip and then handed me back the flask as I turned Donas towards Cranesmuir, ready to ride.

"He has closed the gates. No one is allowed in or out of the castle. He has decreed that no one is to go near the village." I felt the tide of Gaelic curses leave my lips at the thought of Colum being so cold blooded as to leave her to her own fate, knowing she was with child. Christ, the bairn, I thought to myself. I knew what those thieves holes were like. "Ned Gowan managed to sneak out." Alec continued, "Although I don't know what good it will do."

"Aye." There was no time to waste, "Ride on and tell Dougal, I must go if I'm going to make it in time."  
"God speed to ye lad." He called out as I kicked Donas into action and forced him to go at full gallop.

He was named Donas for a reason, he was mighty spirited, and when let loose he could go faster than any other horse known to man. I just hoped that it would be fast enough. I calculated the distance in my mind, three days ride to Leoch, two and a half to Crainsmure if I stopped at night. At full speed, not stopping for any reason I could be there in just under a day. I kicked Donas to go faster again, urging him to gallop faster than he ever had before. With a little luck I might just make it in time.

JAMMF

"Not long now Lad." I promised Donas as he started to reign himself in, "Just a little further." He had held up his end of the bargain and we had ridden all night long. I knew he was in desperate need of some water and a rest, but I couldn't spare the time, we were too close. The morning light was still fresh off the horizon and it would be another hour before most folk were awake. I could see the town off in the distance, seemingly quiet and peaceful except for the two plumes of smoke rising from the towns centre. "Ya, ya." I called to Donas, hoping he sensed my urgency. "Hold on Claire." I called out to the wind, "I'm coming."

I tied Donas up just outside of town by the burn so he could have a drink and nibble on some grass, before long I would need him to ride as fast as he could once again. There were few people in the streets as I snuck my way into the middle of the village, most were gathered around the two pyres in the middle of the town square. Their faces beaming with the thought of watching two witches burn. As I looked around, assessing possible escape routes, I thanked god that there was no one on the pyres and that they had merely been for show. Now that they had burned down, villagers hastily set about restacking the timber and redistributing the kindling at the base.

As I was looking around trying to make my way to the thieves hole, I spotted Ned Gowan, pleading with a guard, he was too far away to hear what he was saying but I could tell his words were falling on deaf ears. If I could just get his attention, then I would be able to use him as an accomplice. My joy was short lived, as I watched Gellis Duncan, followed by Claire hands bound and shoved hastily towards the centre of town. I made it a point to memorise the face of the villager, prodding her with his stick to make her walk faster, wishing I could snap his arm in two for treating her in such a way. She stumbled once or twice, receiving a shove in the back for her efforts and it took everything I had not to announce my presence and destroy my advantage of surprise.

Gellis and Claire were paraded up in front of the townsman and the hands bound behind their backs around the middle beam. I would have only a few seconds before their surprise turned to anger to cut her free and whisk her to safety, I tried to find a way, but no matter what I did there was no way Donas could carry three of us and I would only have enough time to cut one of them free. There was no choice to make, if Claire was going to have a chance of living, Gellis would have to be left behind. I hadn't the thought of condemning an innocent woman to her death, but quickly recalled that it was she who had murdered her husband and conspired with Dougal, she was far from innocent.

The pyres faced North, so I crept around the side of the crowd and made my way towards the South, hiding behind some carts that had been stored away in the alley. The villagers were transfixed on the scene before them and they paid no attention to the stranger hiding in their midst. My dirk ready, I crouched down and waited for the right moment to strike. It tore me in two, to watch Claire thinking she was going to burn alive, to not be able to tell her that I was there for her. To listen to Gellis Duncan cursing the towns people trying to hide her fear as Ned Gowan pleaded endlessly for the madness to stop.

As the villagers stepped forward to light the kindling, there was no more time to waste, I was just about to make my move when Gellis Duncan started shouting that Claire was innocent, not that the towns people were taking any notice. Then she started crying out that she was carrying the devil's child, the towns folk booed and threw vegetables at her, ignoring her pleas. Ned professed that it was true, that she was with child, that both women were. Not willing to anger the lord, one of the judges ordered Gellis Duncan stripped and the crowd stepped back in disgust as her advanced pregnancy was reviled. The kindling had caught alight on Claire's pyre as the townsman dropped the torch in fright. She stamped at the flames, screaming as I raced from my hiding place and cut her hands free. "Tis me Sassenach, you're safe." I whispered in her ear as the smoke from the green kindling gave us a brief advantage.

"Jamie." She struggled to say, the smoke filling her lungs and stinging her eyes. She threw her arms around me and half collapsed, I caught Neds eye, who urged me to run as he tried to save Gellis from the towns folk who were now throwing stones and vegetables at her in fear of the devil she carried within her. I nodded, then with Claire safely in my arms, I raced towards where I had left Donas, hoping he was sufficiently recovered to get us away from this madness.

We had been riding for almost an hour before I came across a thicket that I was certain would shield us from anyone who may have dared to follow, though I was quite certain that no one did. Brining Donas to a halt, I lowered Claire to the ground from where she slumped cradled against my chest, weeping with exhaustion. Placing my hand around her waist, I helped her walk further into the thicket and placed her down against a fallen tree for support. Handing her the flask so she could have a drink, I took out my handkerchief and tried to wipe some of the ashes and tears from her face. "Oh god Jamie." She cried, holding me tightly as she cried into my chest, "I've never been so happy to see you in all of my life."  
"Are you hurt Sassenach?" I asked her, checking her over for wounds or bruises. She was covered in muck from the thieves hole, and there were some slight burns from the ropes around her wrists but otherwise she seemed unmarked. Her skin was pale, and she looked like she hadn't eaten properly in days.

"No. Not really." She answered, stroking my cheek, trying to make sure I was real.

"Aye Sassenach, It's me." I promised her. "I'm here now, you needn't be worried ever again."

"I thought I was going to burn." She cried, "I thought they were going to kill us both. Oh god Gellis."  
"Shhh." I urged her, "Ned will look after her, I'm more concerned about you." I tried to smile at her reassuringly, "Are you sure you're not injured? Is the bairn all right?" I asked, my hand hovering over her waist, which was a deal more swollen than when I had seen her last. For a moment the realisation of how close I had come to losing them both overcame me. She took her hand and placed it over mine, halting the tremors I felt as she whispered.  
"The bairn's fine Jamie, I promise." She smiled up at me, "We're just a little tired is all, and hungry."

"Aye." I nodded, I knew they would have had naught but scraps. I had few supplies on me, but I'd be able to catch a rabbit or two quick enough. "Rest up a bit Sassenach. I'll fetch you something to eat."

"I'm so sorry Jamie." She shook her head, her eyes threatening to burst again.

"Shh." I encouraged her, "Rest, and eat. We can talk about it later when you're feeling better." She nodded and settled back against the log as I wrapped my spare plaid around her to keep her warm. "I'll start a fire soon, when I'm sure we weren't followed, but for now sleep a bit while I go and fetch us something to eat." Exhausted, I watched her close her eyes, and before I knew it she had drifted off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6: Lallybroch

**Chapter 6: Lallybroch**

She slept for over five hours, the morning had come and gone and the fire was burning bright by the time she awoke. I watched her sleeping, cradled in my arms where I had lifted her head onto my lap for comfort, needing desperately to keep her near. Stroking her hair, I watched her eyes flutter and her lips curl as she dreamed. The plaid fell of once or twice and I repositioned it to keep her warm. I wondered what she was dreaming about, if it was a nightmare that I should wake her from, or a pleasant memory to distract her from what she had gone through. We couldn't remain where we were for too long, no more than a night in case they sent search parties out to find us. I was contemplating whether or not to wake her up, when she twitched suddenly and sat up straight.

"Shhh mo nighean donn. I'm here." I soothed her as she looked around, trying to remember where she was. Her face pale with fright.

"Where are we?" She asked looking around, trying to find something familiar.

"About 10 miles out of town. Dinna Fash they wilna find us here." I assured her. "Here." I reached out and grabbed the plate of rabbit I had warming by the fire, "Try and eat something."

"How did you find us?" She asked as she nibbled on the rabbit, picking little pieces and placing them delicately into her mouth.

"I was already on my way to see you, to break you free from Leoch when I came across Old Alec. Mrs Fitz had sent him and he told me where to find you."  
"I still don't know how you made it in time. I was certain I'd never see you again." She wept.

"I'd move heaven and hell to get to you Sassenach. You should ken that by now." I winked at her, sensing her mood lightening a little as she sat back beside me. "Or I'd die trying."

"I don't deserve you." She mumbled, shying away.

"We'll you're not getting rid of me now." I warned her, "I'd follow you to hell and back if I had to."  
"What about through time?" She asked, but I did not ken her meaning. She often said daft things like that, but I paid them no mind. "Jamie." She put down the food and took my hands, looking into my eyes. "I promised myself if I ever saw you again, that I'd tell you everything."  
"You don't have to tell me anything you don't wish to." I reminded her,

"I know." She shook her head, "Bu I must, and it won't be easy to hear, in fact you may decide to turn me around and return me to the villagers yourself."  
"Are you saying that you are a witch Sassenach?" I didn't know what to make of her ramblings, but there were times she seemed to have a knowledge beyond what was normally found.

"No. I'm not a witch." She promised, taking a deep breath. I took her chin and kissed her, trying to ease her nerves.

"Whatever you have to say, I'll listen. I trust there is a truth between us, you need not fear me." I assured her,

"Jamie I." She began as I settled in to listen. At first I wondered if she had taken too much ale, or bumped her head as those who did were known to talk in tongues from time to time. But as she told me her story about machines and places I'd never known and couldn't fathom, of journeying through the stones and finding her way to Leoch. There was a sadness about her, a determination that she believed what she was saying. There were a great many things about Claire Fraser that didn't make sense, things that she had never been able to explain, and if the things that she was telling me were true, if they were possible, then they explained a great many of these indeed. Why she had a knowledge about things beyond even the masters, her odd speech and language, her defiance of men and her strength in adverse situations. For a moment, it almost seemed possible that she was telling the truth. I wanted to believe her desperately, the thought that she could lie to me about something like this was too hard to imagine. She finished her story and stared at me, waiting to see my reaction.

"Do you believe me?" She asked, as I asked myself the same thing. I took a deep breath, thought about all the facts she had given me and nodded.

"Aye. I do believe you Sassenach." I smiled at her, stroking her chin, "I do not understand it, and there are many who wouldn't but aye." I took her hands in mine, "I do believe you."

"How could you?"  
"Because I've seen things that I cannae explain, others have too and I believe that you are an honest woman Claire. I ken you wouldn't lie to me, and I trust that what you say is true."

"I'm so sorry Jamie, I should have told you earlier."  
"Shh, you've nothing to be sorry for. You were in a hard situation and you did what you had to, to survive." I knew that feeling all too well. I looked at her, a look of shame in her eyes as she looked back at me. "I've only one question."  
"Whatever you want to know." She nodded,

"If you had a choice, if you could go back? Would you?" The words were hard to say, as I watched her chest heaving up and down, her belly growing below her skirt with my seed. If it was true, I couldn't hold her here against her will, no matter what the circumstances, but I couldn't bare to lose her or the bairn. They meant more to me than anything ever had before.

"Once, maybe." She replied honestly, "But that was a lifetime ago." She reached out and stroked my chin, "But I have grown to love you more than I could ever have imagined, if my time alone in the castle has shown me anything it is that I cannot live without you Jamie Fraser." Her words broke through the wall I had built up inside of me and I found myself weeping at her declaration. I pulled her close to me, holding her tightly afraid to let her go in case she changed her mind.

"Do you really mean that?" I asked her as she leaned in and kissed me, there was no need for words, her touch was proof enough as I kissed her back.

"I gave you a vow Jamie Fraser, to stay with you till our time was done and I mean to keep it." She kissed me again, placing my hands on top of her belly. "This." She continued, "Is proof that we were meant to be together."

"Blood of my blood." I repeated as I tried to imagine our child inside of her, "Don't ever leave me Claire. I couldna bare it."  
"Never." She promised and I knew she meant it.

JAMMF

We left early the next morning. There was nowhere left for us now, the safety of Leoch was gone so Jamie took us to the only place he knew, back home to Lallybroch. We rode atop Donas most of the way, Jamie seated me in front of him, his arm secure around my waist as he trotted Donas slowly along the road. I slept most of the way, my head resting against his chest. He stopped frequently to rest and to eat. He insisted on saving whatever bannocks he had for me and only ate whatever he could catch at night time. It had been a five-day ride to Lallybroch at the pace that we were going, travelling deep into the high country. It gave us time to come to terms with my revelations and to move past the events of Cranesmuir. I couldn't wait to meet Jenny, he spoke of her so often, and the thought of sleeping in a bed again was more than enticing, not to mention the fact that I had been wearing the same clothes for almost two weeks.

Our arrival however had not gone to plan. Tired, hungry and worried about me, Jamie had already been pushed to his limits of resilience over the past few days and the anxiety of returning home for the first time after the fateful events inflicted on him by Captain Randall, were already making him jumpy. He told me of the rumours, of how Jenny had borne a child to Jonathan Randall and I knew that it weighed heavily on his mind. So much so, that when he saw the young child, playing on the front steps he had forgotten himself and flown into a heated rage along with his sister Jenny. Not wanting to get between the two of them, but desperate to try and calm him down, to sooth him as he had soothed me, I had tried to mediate but had been chastised for my attempt so much so that I resigned myself to sitting with the small child on the step, assuring him that this stranger was not there to hurt his mother and that it would all be sorted out shortly. It was only the appearance of a second man, limping from the loss of a leg and obviously known to the two of them, that stopped them yelling long enough to find some middle ground. Jamie seemed to calm down immediately at his presence and I wondered who he might be. "Ian." Jamie had greeted him warmly.

"Your brother in law." Jenny added, turning her heels to walk back inside the house, "Maybe you could explain to this fool that I am not a trollop."  
"I meant no disrespect it's just…" Jamie dug his hole deeper,

"I ken it couldna be easy for you to return, and there are many wounds on both sides. What's important is that you are home where you belong." Ian humbly replied, "And who is this?" He asked looking over in my direction.

"My wife, Claire Fraser." Jamie introduced me proudly.

"Hello." I extended a hand out towards him, he took it graciously but it was hard not to notice Jenny turn from me in disgust.

"I heard you'd married a Sassenach." She mumbled, not sure of what to make of me, our dishevelled appearance didn't make my case any stronger.  
"Aye, and I'll hear no more of it. She's a fine woman ye ken and you'll treat her with respect." He ordered his sister, reaching out to grab my hand so that I would stand beside him.

"Jenny meant nothing by it." Ian apologised,

"I'll speak for myself thank you." She scolded her husband, it was clear to see where Jamie got his temper from. Jenny looked me over as I stood there, my legs and back aching from too many nights sleeping on the ground and in the saddle. "Just look at the pair of ye." She huffed.

"Aye it's been a long few days and we'll tell you all about it." Jamie offered, "But first, my wife needs a hot bath and a good meal."

"Ye can say that again." She inspected me further, her hands looking over my tattered clothing. "Christ Jamie." She scolded her brother and took me by the arm, "Ye didna tell me she was with child. Leaving her standing here like that, have ye got rocks in ye head lad?" Clearly my condition was aiding in winning her over. She began to lead me inside. "Well come along then." She ordered him, setting of at a quick pace leaving Jamie and Ian to follow us inside.

She was smaller than I had imagined, and clearly almost full term with a child of her own. She laid some spare clothes out on the bed for me and made sure I had a bite to eat before leaving me to soak in the tub. I closed my eyes and imagined the warm water soaking the layers of dirt off of my skin as the dust and grim melted away. Jamie joined me shortly after with some soap, lathering my hair and washing it till it shined free once again. He sponged my back, massaging my shoulders and just above my lower back until the knots were all gone and then he began slowly moving the sponge across my chest and down towards my waist. He stopped a moment, tracing the unfamiliar curves of my belly. "You've grown so big." He began, then hesitating, fearful his words would be taken as an insult.

"It just kind of happened overnight, I wish you could have been there." I told him. "I'm afraid I'm going to get much bigger yet. There's still five months to go."  
"Aye. I cannae wait." He grinned, "I don't care how big ye get Sassenach." He kissed my neck, "as long as ye and the bairn are healthy, that's all that matters."  
"We are Jamie. Thanks to you." I thanked him again. He dropped the sponge in the water and moved around to the side of the tub, taking my head in his hands he pulled me close and drew me into him. Tired, exhausted and covered in things that were too fowl to mention our only desire had been to make it to the safety of Lallybroch. Now that we were here we both felt a desperate need to take each other into our arms and to be joined as one.

He took me carefully, his hand gliding down between my thighs as his lips covered mine. That grin of his when he was pleased with himself, exposing his healthy white teeth. He moved his hand up and down slowly, bringing me to the edge of frustration then letting it go over and over again as I grabbed his shirt, holding tight to keep from falling back into the tub, biting his lower lip when he brought it close. The water splashed over the sides of the tub as I squirmed from ecstasy, my legs spasming with each contraction of my inner muscles. Just when I thought I couldn't take any more, He lifted me out of the tub, laid me gently on the bed and slid himself inside of me. Manoeuvring cautiously so as not to place his weight on me, or to thrust too hard, he moved inside of me with perfect rhythm. My hands wrapped around his red curls, and his tight rear end as I tried to pull him deeper into me. Filling me with his seed, he paused a moment, staring into my eyes as I stared at him, stroking my hair and kissing me. "You are mine Mo nighean donn." He whispered, "Always."

"And you are mine." I whispered back, my chest was still heaving as he lay beside me and pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me. Jamie pulled the blankets over us to keep the chill out as we drifted off to sleep, safe from harm.

JAMMF

I awoke a few hours later, to a knock on the door. It was almost six in the evening and I was still under the covers as I heard Jamie talking to Jenny who was announcing that supper was ready. Jamie closed the door softly behind her and turned his attentions back towards me. "Sorry mo nighean donn I dinna mean to wake ye."

"It's all right." I said sitting up. "Was that Jenny?" I asked.

"Aye. Supper is ready if you feel up to it. I can bring some up to you if you would like." He offered, as he played with the stray strands of my hair as he sat beside me on the bed.

"No I'll join you." I felt refreshed and was eager to learn more about Jenny and Lallybroch.

"As you wish." He said, standing up and bringing over a pile of clothes from the chair by the window. "Jenny got some clothes for you to wear. She said they should fit but that she can take them in for you if you'd like."  
"I'm sure they'll fit perfectly." I assured him, throwing back the blankets to expose my bare skin. Jamie froze, looking at me and I realised that it was the first time he had truly seen me, not hidden under soap suds or his own weight. He moved closer, resting his hand on my swollen belly.

"Can you feel it yet?" He asked, "What does it feel like?"  
"Nothing yet, it's too early I think. In truth." I thought about the best way to describe it, "It just feels like I've eaten too much. Over indulged as they say."  
"O Aye." He grinned. A bottomless pit himself I doubted that he ever felt that way. His other hand joined the first as they engulfed my belly, shielding it from the world. He ran his fingers down both sides, stroking it softly like a fragile egg. I was almost eighteen weeks, or four and a half months. At first I had found it hard to believe that it was real, especially after years of trying, but now it was impossible to deny.  
"We'd best be going." I whispered when he made no sign of moving, "Jenny will be waiting for us."

"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" He asked, looking up at me as if I had the answer.

"I don't know." I told him truthfully, "We won't know until it's born."

"Well we've waited this long, we'll just have to wait a little bit linger." He grinned at me, breaking free and grabbing his kilt.

"I'm afraid you'll have to." I smiled at him, collecting my own clothes from the end of the bed and putting on my shift.


	7. Chapter 7: New Beginnings

**Chapter 7: New Beginnings**

Over the next few weeks we settled into our routines. It was harvest almost time when we had arrived so the extra hands in the fields were much needed and Jamie spent his days with Ian, harvesting the wheat and oats and tending to the needs of the farm. I spent my days, helping out Jenny as best that I could, my house keeping skills were far below what Jenny deemed acceptable and she had taken to giving me busy work instead of cooking and sewing. She told me about Jamie and their parents, of Lallybroch and their lives before Randall and the Red Coats. I also found her insight into pregnancy and child rearing most invaluable, having not known my own mother I had no idea what to expect. Young Jamie was a delight, he was almost three and he kept me company most days while I hung the washing or tended the garden. Jamie felt more at ease here than I had ever seen him and I came to see Jamie in a different light.

JAMMF

I could feel the heat, hear the crackling of the flames and the sting of my flesh. The smoke filled my lungs and stung my eyes and I wanted desperately to shield my child but my hands were tied behind my back. I tried to break free, the struggle digging the rope into my wrists further. I looked into the crowd, not a sympathetic face among them. The flames grew closer and I felt the base of my skirt catch on fire, I kicked out my legs, trying to put the flames out. No! I screamed No! "Jamie!"

"Shhhh mo gradh Shhh." He held me tight, rocking me in his arms as he brushed the hair from my face, I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and I was struggling to catch my breath. "I'm here. Tis just a dream." He whispered.

"It felt so real." It always felt so real. It was the third time this week I had dreamed of it. Why was it haunting me now, it had been six weeks since Cranesmuir, since Gellis.

"Aye. I ken Sassenach." He handed me a glass of whiskey and I swallowed it gratefully. My heart was starting to find its normal rhythm again, but Jamie still held me close. One hand bracing me against his chest so I wouldn't thrash out, like I had done the first time, another around my waist. I leaned my head into his chest as he kissed my hair softly. "It cannae harm you, nothing will harm ye while I am here." He promised. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself, my eyes already heavy again. I had almost nodded off back to sleep when Jamie sat up startled.

"What the hell was that?" He cried, his hand hesitant to touch my belly again, before changing his mind and putting it back where it had been.

"It would seem that you're not the only one I woke up tonight." I smiled, glad he could finally feel what I had felt for almost three weeks now.

"You mean the bairn?" He asked wide eyed, his fingers pressing slightly into my skin to try and find the mysterious offender. The baby kicked again, and he grinned like a kid at Christmas time. Ironic I thought as it was yule time in eight days. "Can he hear us?"

"I don't know, maybe?" I placed my hand on his as he waited for it to kick again. I groaned a little as the bairn kicked hard, objecting to the intrusion.

"Does it hurt?" Jamie asked,

"It's just a little uncomfortable is all. It's an odd feeling really."

"Jenny says hers kicks like a mule. It's hard to imagine." He paused, trying to imagine a bairn kicking out with the force of a fiery horse.

"What?" I asked, sensing his hesitation.

"It's just." He stopped in thought, "How do ye think it breaths in there?" He looked so serious but I couldn't help but laugh, it was just like Jamie Fraser to think of such things.  
"I don't know." I answered him barely understanding it myself, "I don't think they do breathe, not until they're born at least."  
"That is puzzling." He contemplated it a moment, "So it can hear and kick and move about but it cannae breath. NO." He decided, "It does not seem very logical to me."

"Maybe you can ask her when she's born." I suggested, feeling sleepy again as I nestled back down against him. His hand didn't leave my belly as he lay back down on the bed beside me.

"She is it?" He asked quizzically.

"Or he." I added, closing my eyes and drifting back off to sleep.

JAMMF

We received word from Murtagh. Jamie had ordered him to stay with Dougal and to try and smooth things over with Colum. Even after all that had happened, Leoch was still the only safe place in Scotland for him, for us and I knew that he hoped that he would one day be welcomed there once again. He dreamed in time that Colum would stop seeing me as a threat, and that his actions at Cranesmuir had been directed towards Geliis, and I an innocent bystander caught up in it all. I wished I shared his optimism, but I knew deep in my heart, that even if I had not been the intended target, that it had pleased Colum to find that I would soon be dealt with as well.

Murtagh had arrived at Leoch two weeks ago and was trying to appease Colum as best he could. He wrote of Mrs Fitz sorrow at not being able to do more to help and she had sent, along with Murtagh's letter, a small blanket that she had knitted for the bairn. It was a beautiful patchwork piece, knitted in Fraser colours with a small Fraser emblem in the top right corner. She had taken such good care of me and it pained me to think that I may not see her again, that I wouldn't be able to say goodbye in the way that she deserved. I placed the blanket over the chair by the fire, so I could look at it every day and be reminded of her.

"What's on your mind Sassenach?" He asked me as I looked out of the window and out over the fields. Making comparisons about the tranquillity of the scene before me as opposed the hustle of Castle Leoch. I no longer looked out of the window with apprehension, waiting for my husband to return, but with pride and belonging. Jamie had made his way home, and I was learning to feel at home here too.

"I was just thinking…" I began, "Of how I was starting to feel like I really belonged here." I smiled at him as he removed with sword belt and came to take me in his arms. He rested against the window ledge, his arms wrapped tightly around me as I leaned back into his brawn chest.

"I always knew you belonged here Sassenach." He whispered into my ear, "From the first moment I saw you I knew you were the one. Just like my father had told me."  
"Your father?" I asked, I had never met the man, but the little I knew told me he had a kind heart, like his son.  
"Aye. I asked him once, how he knew that mother was the one. He told me." He began, wiping back my hair behind my ear and leaning his cheek into mine, "That I would know it the minute I saw her. That I would want no one else but her and he was right."  
"But you barely knew me." I reminded him.

"It didn't matter." He chuckled, "When you stood up to Dougal and the men, I knew you had a warrior's spirit, even though you were shaking with fright you never backed down." He began, "And when you tended my wounds, taking great care to be gentle, even after I was so rough with you. I knew you had a kind heart as well." He paused, then spun me around to face him. "I wanted you from the moment I saw you, but I knew I loved you when you wept in my arms that first night at Leoch. I wanted to take you into my arms, to sooth your fears and to protect your body and your heart from any further sorrow. All of a sudden nothing else mattered than making sure you were safe and happy."

"I never knew you were such a romantic." I teased him, caught off guard by his revelation.

"Did you not feel it too Sassenach?" He asked, the truth was I had. I had wanted him from the first moment I saw him, his large arms holding me firm against him, his presence always close by whenever I needed it, his tenderness. I had never felt that way with Frank, not that I hadn't loved him, but the love between Frank and I had been more of a mutual respect, each of us alone in the world and desperate for someone to call our own. With Jamie, it was different.

"I did Jamie." I nodded, "At first I tried to deny it, I was ashamed, after all I had only known you for a few days, how could I feel so deeply for you? How could I betray Frank's memory with my lustful thoughts?" I hesitated, knowing that Frank's existence was still a sore point for Jamie, "But the more I got to know you, the harder it was to deny my feelings."

"My mother would say we were destined. That the stones sent you to be with me. She had a deep belief in the fairies ye ken."  
"Maybe she was right." Maybe Frank had been a means to an end, if it hadn't been for Frank's ancestry we would never have been in Scotland, never have visited the stones and I would never have found Jamie or fallen pregnant with his child. For that I would be eternally grateful. I grabbed the back of my neck and lifted me closer to him, his lips meeting mine as he played with the hair on the base of my neck. His kilt lifting slightly as his urgency hastened, Jamie lifted me up onto hips, bearing all of my weight effortlessly, bairn and all as he deposited us onto the bed.


	8. Chapter 8: The Watch

**Chapter 8: The Watch**

"Sorry mo gradh. I didnae mean to wake you." I apologised, "I just wanted to watch you sleeping for a bit. You looked so peaceful."

"You didn't wake me." She assured me, a look of concern in her eyes." How long have you been there?"

"Not long." I lied, in truth it had been an hour or two. I had traced every line, memorised every feature, the dimples on the edges of her lips as she smiled in her sleep, the way she breathed slowly and softly, at peace. The way she cradled her growing belly, her hand resting over it protectively as mine did when I held her against me. I wanted to be as close to her as the bairn was.

I had only known her for eight months, little more than half a year, and she had been my wife for only seven of those. I hadn't planned on becoming a husband, or a father, my only thought was of getting the price off of my head, but now as I watched her, I couldn't imagine my life without her.

"Rest mo nighean donn." I kissed her gently on the forehead, "I'll go to the kitchen and get us something to eat." I pulled myself away from her as she settled back into the sheets, her head resting on the pillow as she watched me leave.

I closed the door quietly behind me and made my way down the stairs towards to the main parlour and the kitchen. I was not more than half way across the room when I heard the familiar click of the pistol and felt the cold metal prod the back of my neck. My heart quickened and my breath caught in my throat. I'd left my broadsword in the room, my dirk was still on my belt but it had little effect on a musket. Taking a deep breath, and trying not to wake the rest of the house in case they came to investigate the commotion, finding themselves in immediate peril, I held out my hands and slowly turned around.

"And just who the hell are you?" The rough looking mercenary asked, his pistol aimed square between my eyes as his six companions looked on, eager for some action. I knew exactly who they were, they were men of the watch. They would turn me over in a heartbeat if they knew my real name, and would condemn those who harboured me. My only hope was that I convince them to take me and leave the others behind.

"I might ask you the same sir." I replied, trying to judge the character of the man before me.

"Who I am is of little consequence." He countered, "I am however charged with the protection of these fair lands and I warn you. If you wish harm on these people, then we are going to have a problem." He warned me, his men chuckling in the background. Maybe there was hope that he was an honourable man, but his men, looking at their grins and mannerisms, were clearly not. They would kill me in a heartbeat and think nothing of it, leaving Claire, Jenny and Ian defenceless. The leader waved his pistol closer to my face, forcing me to take a step back, he was clearly an impatient man. I was about to answer his call, when I heard the lock of the door above me open, and I felt the blood run from my face. I had no way of warning her, no way of shielding her if the men opened fire. My only hope was to distract the men, who now looked in her direction, "You'd best answer me." He continued, "Or this lovely lass here will be wiping your blood from the floor."

"You leave her out of this." I warned him, my hand inching slowly towards my dagger.

"I'll do what I like." He smirked, waving his pistol to remind me who was in control here.

I looked up at Claire, her face pale with fright as she gripped the hand rail in front of her. I urged her to stay where she was, to go back into the safety of the room. "I hope you kept your powder dry. Misfire and I'll ram that pistol down your gullet." I warned him, having no intention of drawing this charade out any longer, and as I watched Claire making her way down the stairs and coming to stand so close to one of his men, a lustful look on his face, my blood boiled and I felt my muscles stiffen.

"Taran." Jenny interrupted before I could act on my impulses, "Put your weapons down, this is my cousin Jamie McTavish." She continued to speak with the man before me, as Claire was allowed to pass and came to stand beside me, I reached out and positioned her behind my left shoulder, where I could shield her from any attempts to take us into custody. What vexed me most, was that Jenny seemed to be familiar with these men, my suspicions heightened when Ian came in and greeted this Taran warmly. What on earth were they doing consorting with the watch? Jenny invited them into the dining room and I followed her, keeping Claire close to my side as I went to find out just what on earth was going on.

JAMMF

I knew Jamie was worried for me, for all of us. Every breath suffocated me as I watched him struggle to pretend that nothing was wrong, dining with the men who could tear down all we had built. I could hardly eat myself I was so anxious. Jenny and Ian had settled them in the south cottage for the evening and Ian had encouraged Jamie to retire to our chambers for the night and to stay out of their way as much as possible. A sentiment I had agreed with. Left to his own devices, I knew Jamie would not settle and that he would find himself provoking them more than need be. As I loosened my corset and dressed down to nothing but my shift, he handed me a dram of whiskey and I took it, sitting in the chair by the fire as I tried to settle my own nerves. I felt him staring at me, but not in the usual way, his eyes lowered slightly in deep thought.

"I know that look Jamie." I warned him, I had seen it before. "Don't even think about it."  
"It is not safe for you here." He warned me, "If they knew who you are, who I am."

"Then let's get out of here, we can go somewhere else." I suggested,  
"No!" He refused flatly, "Even if I thought there was somewhere to go, the road is no place for a woman, let along one seven months gone with child." Jamie bowed his head, coming to sit before me and taking my hands. "I'll not risk it, risk you." He leaned his forehead into mine, then rested his hand on the bairn.

"Then leave me behind, it's you they want. You need to go, can come back for us when it's safer."

"I cannae leave you, nor Jenny and Ian to the will of the watch. There's no knowing what they may do if they found out."

"What are you planning on doing then?" I wondered, whatever it was, it was clearly troubling him.

"The watch are misfits, mercenaries, no one would miss them if they were gone." He spoke softly, avoiding eye contact.

"Jamie you can't." regardless of it being a sin, Jamie was not a cold blooded murderer, the guilt over such an act would tear him apart.

"I don't see that I have any choice." He shook his head, "Not if you and the bairn are in danger." He rested his head, bowed down before me, as I cradled it against my chest. I tried to think of another way, to find a solution that would save his soul for any further torture, but I couldn't. Jamie was right. One way or another the watch was a threat and they had to go.

JAMMF

We both slept uneasily that night, me worrying about Jamie and Jamie worrying about me. I noticed he kept his dirk and his broadsword handy, placed by the bed for easy access instead of on the back of the chair by the fire like he usually did. It was after midnight when there was a knock on the door. Jamie almost jumped out of his skin, dirk in his hand and I felt so sorry for Ian who came face to face with the sharp object as he entered our room. He didn't flinch, or ask for an explanation, he simply nodded,

"I'm sorry to disturb you." He whispered, "But it's Jenny. The bairn's coming." He said, looking past Jamie to me,

"Of course." I nodded placing a hand on Jamie's arm to put him at ease, "What can I do to help?" I continued sitting up straighter and reaching for my overcoat.  
"She won't let me near her, I was hoping you might be able to help her out, Mrs Crook has sent for the midwife."

"Is she all right?" Jamie asked concerned, putting his own kilt own, our rest clearly over for the night.

"Aye she's fine, just fussy is all. She was the same way with wee Jamie."  
"Wouldn't you be if you were in her position." I scolded them as I pushed past Jamie to make my way to her, the momentary smirk on his lips didn't escape my attention, or the rolling of Ian's eyes. Men I thought.

"Hold up a minute Sassenach." He grabbed my arm,

"I'll meet you downstairs Jamie, I need to get the fires going." Ian left without waiting for Jamie's answer, eager to get the water ready for Jenny.  
"Aye." Jamie nodded towards him, then turned his attentions back to me, reaching under his pillow and handing me a small sharp knife. I recognised it his sock dagger or sgian dubh. "Keep this on ye mo nighean donn. Hide it well." He urged me.

"Surely I won't need this." I questioned him, pushing it away.

"I've no idea what to expect from the watch, and I cannae always be with you. If you need to use it, don't hesitate. You remember what to do?" He asked as I recalled my lessons after our marriage. It seemed so long ago now. "Promise me Claire."

"I promise." I said as he lowered his head to mine, he didn't kiss me, merely holding me by the shoulders a moment then pushing me out towards the hall.

"Go." He ordered, forcing a confident smile, Jenny needs you and I've got things to do." Things I thought to myself, that's one way of phrasing it. I didn't tell him to be careful, or that I loved him, both seemed too final. Instead I smiled at him, his blue eyes sparkling for a moment as he smiled back, then pushed past me and headed down the stairs towards the front door.

JAMMF

Jenny's labour seemed to be progressing slowly, and I felt guilty that I had little knowledge to help her. The village midwife had been called away and wasn't due to arrive until late in the night. I watched as she paced around the room, resting on furniture as contractions came and she bent over panting and huffing as the stronger contractions saw her doubling over with pain. I tried to remain confident, to assure her that even without the midwife that the baby would be delivered safely, while internally I was a nervous wreck, the sudden realisation of what I was in for in only a few more months scaring me no end. Jenny was far stronger than I would ever be, and as the labour grew more intense I doubted that I would have the stamina to make it through my own. I tried my best not to let her sense my fears, in case she mistook them for fears for her own health.

"Talk to me." I insisted as she struggled to breathe through the last contraction, "You've done this before, you know what you're doing."

"Aye, and it's a wonder I ever got myself in a position to do it again." She joked, her face contorted.

"Don't say that. You seem like a natural to me. I could learn a thing or to." I smiled at her.

"There's not much to tell." She hissed, "The bairn does most of the work, we're just along for the ride."

"Were you afraid?" I asked, realising that I had started a conversation on exactly the topic I hoped to avoid, but I needed to know. "The first time I mean?" My face must have given away my thoughts, as she looked up at me with sympathy.

"I was terrified." She admitted to me, "I wished my mother was there to help me, or even Jamie. Ian was too worried himself to be any help. I ended up sending him away."  
"Did you have a midwife?" I wondered, realising how alone she must have felt.  
"For what good she was, spent most of the time telling me to rest and breathe, like I had any choice in the matter." I laughed, trying to picture anyone telling Jenny what to do. Jenny stood up, the contraction easing and took a seat by the fire. She straightened out her night shirt and looked up at me. "I'll not tell you it's not hard work, or that you won't beg to die before it's over." She spoke softly, "But when it's all over, and your holding your bairn in your arms, all that pain will just fade away." My silence, as I imagined trying to birth my own child, and imagining all the things that could go wrong must have worried her, as she took my hand and drew my attention so that I was looking into her eyes. "You'll be fine Claire, if I know one thing about you, it's that you don't give up. Hold onto that."

"I hope your right." I nodded, trying to let her words soothe me.

"Jamie will see you right, when you've no more fight left in you, Jamie will fight enough for the two of you. I ken that well." She smiled, "I've never seen him happier." She added, "If he has to deal with all the harshness this world keeps sending his way, at least he doesn't need to do it alone anymore." Jenny continued, squeezing my hands to breaking point as she contracted again.

JAMMF

I walked about the stables, keeping my hands busy re shooing the horses of the watch as I had offered to do the night before, while I tried to figure out the best way to go about the heinous business. I could hear Jenny screaming from the rooms above and I wished the bairn would come quickly for her. Ian busied himself about the stalls, laying down fresh hay and watering the horses. He was a bundle of nerves and there was not much I could do to help, except giving him a few drams of whiskey, something I hesitated in doing in case I needed him sober enough to watch my back.

"Are ye done yet?" Taran asked as he came to inspect my work, and no doubt size me up like I had done him.

"When was the last time you had them shoed?" I asked him appalled at the state of their hooves.

"I regret it's been some time." He answered truthfully and watched me work in silence for a moment, "You don't like me very much, do you?"  
"What gave you that impression?" I asked sarcastically.

"It's not hard to tell, the question that I'm asking myself, is why? What is it about you that makes me think you've got something to hide?"  
"It's a mystery." I replied sarcastically again, releasing the horse so that Rabbie could walk it back to the paddock. I walked away from Taran to put down the tools on the bench to my right.

"Aye. And one I intend on answering." He warned me, "Unless you can give me a better offer."  
"What do you mean?" I asked wondering what he was up to.

"I could use a man like you, Ian tells me you are a fine soldier, and I can tell you have a fighting spirit."

"I've no wish to join the watch if that what you mean."

"Are you sure?" He asked me, watching my reaction carefully. "I have a big job planned for tomorrow. Why don't you join us, you might change your mind."  
"I think I'll pass?" I almost choked, forcing myself to be cordial. I looked around, his men were busy in the field to the west, I could take him on easy enough but there would be too many questions afterwards.

"I think you misunderstand me. It was not a suggestion." I took offence at his tone, my back rigid as the hairs raised on the back of my neck, I realised that this could be just the opportunity I was looking for. If I took them out on the road, I could hide the bodies in the scrub and lay the blame at outlaws, ambushing them for their own means.

"What have you got planned?" I asked, needing as many details as possible.  
"I knew you would see reason." He smirked, "I've a man joining us shortly. He will have all the details." Jenny's screams distracted us momentarily, and I saw that they disturbed him as much as they did me. "I understand you're to be a father yourself soon enough." He changed the subject.  
"Aye." I replied hesitantly, his tone seeming a little odd,

"It would be a shame if you did anything foolish." Taran warned me yet again, "A man ought to see his child brought into the world." He continued, putting down the tool he had been playing with and making his way back to the courtyard. I watched him leave, his words ringing in my mind, if I wasn't careful I knew that's exactly how this would all end.

JAMMF

After a few moments, I left Ian to his work and made my way towards the house to check on Claire, and to let her know what had happened. I could hear the sounds of men talking, but I didn't realise who it was until I was too far away from the entrance to turn around and hide. He looked just as devious as he had the last time we met, his hands resting on his dirk as he chatted with Taran and straightened his back after a long days ride. "Ah McTavish." Taran announced as the man stared at me considering his next move carefully. "This is the man I told you about."

"Aye." I couldn't think. One word from Horrocks could see us all hanged, if not killed outright. I knew I couldn't trust the man but I hoped that he would keep my secret long enough for me to make my move. I nodded my greetings.

"Do you know each other?" Taran enquired, suspicious.

"No." I replied shortly.

"For a moment he seemed familiar, but I was mistaken." Horrocks answered, sending a wink in my direction. I watched the men, arm in arm, make their way inside to discuss their plans as I made my way to Claire. How was I going to tell her that things had just gone from bad to worse?

JAMMF

"How is she progressing?" He asked me as he came to check in on us. I could tell something was troubling him, more so than the last time I had seen him. Jenny sat, half asleep on the chair by the fire, so I moved him towards the doorway and whispered my reply.

"Slower than I would like." I admitted, wishing the midwife would get here sooner. "But she's holding up well."  
"And you?" He asked, noting my dishevelled appearance. "You've not forgotten to eat have you?" He asked me, always concerned.

"I was just about to go down for some broth for Jenny to help her keep her strength up." I said, looking towards the tired woman in the corner.

"Make sure you have some for yourself." He stroked my cheek,

"I promise." I nodded, his eyes betraying him, "What's wrong?" I asked hesitantly.

"Horrocks is here." He whispered with a scowl on his face  
"Horrocks?" I gasped. "Christ. What are you going to do?"  
"I'm not sure. He kept quiet, but he won't for long." He shook his head, and I felt the burden he carried.  
"What do you think he wants?" Wondering if we could buy his silence.  
"I don't know Sassenach." He held me by the shoulders, his hands moving briefly up and down. "Watch yourself Mo nighean donn. He's a dangerous man."

"I will." I promised.

"I best go, I don't want to leave them unattended for too long." He leaned in to kiss me on the forehead. "Stay safe Sassenach."  
"Same to you Jamie Fraser." I warned him.

JAMMF

Leaving Jenny for a moment, with Mrs Crook busy keeping young Jamie out of harm's way from the watch, I made my way downstairs as quietly as I could so as not to draw attention to myself. The kitchen was opposite the stairway, and to the left of the dining room, with any luck I could gather some supplies and be back to Jenny before anyone saw me. Mrs Crook and the maidservants had boiled some broth that morning, and it was still bubbling over the fire. I scooped two bowlfuls out and placed them on a tray along with some bannocks and a fresh flask of whiskey. I was just making my way out of the kitchen when a large figure, shorter than Jamie but just as wide, blocked the entrance to the kitchen, his hand playing with his dirk as his lips curled with indecent thoughts.

"You don't look like a maidservant." He whispered, eyeing me over. I felt my hands shaking, the tray preventing me from reaching for my knife.

"I'm not." I replied hesitantly, looking for any sign of someone who might interrupt us.

"You'd be young Jamie's wife then. I heard he'd married a Sassenach." The word sounded so vile coming from his lips.

"You must excuse me, Jenny needs me." I tried to push past him. He grabbed my arm, stopping me. The broth spilled from the bowls a little as I struggled, "Let me go."  
"We've a matter to discuss first." He informed me, "You see, I know who your husband really is." He continued, "One word from me and you could all be at the mercy of the English."

"You wouldn't dare." I called his bluff, "Surely you wouldn't condemn a new mother to death." I asked gesturing towards the sounds coming from the rooms above. "Or a child." I continued thinking of young Jamie.

"They're nothing to me, I might even be able to buy my own freedom and travel to the colonies. Unless." He licked his lips,

"Unless what?"  
"Unless you can make a better offer." He smirked, the hand that hand gripped me around my waist, now tracing my arm from shoulder to fingertips. "You are a very bonny lass." He noted.

"Get your hands off of me." I tried to shrug free, as I placed the tray on the table beside me. He grabbed my arms as I spun back around to face him, and he held me tight against him. His free hand now moving its way over my belly and down my thighs as it tangled with the hem of my skirt. "Please." I begged, "I'm with child."  
"It's of no concern to me." He shrugged me off, "That's not the part of you I'm after, and if you don't struggle then no harm will come to ye." He said, manoeuvring me towards the table, spreading me out over it.  
"I'll scream." I warned him, trying to reach for my knife as he hitched up my skirt.

"No, you wont." He said smugly, "I'm certain you value your husband's life more than that. Don't struggle and I promise never to divulge what I know." He negotiated with me.

For a brief moment, I wondered if there was something of his words, then I cursed myself for even considering it. I stopped struggling, Horrocks thinking I had agreed to his terms let me go a moment to remove his own breeches. I took advantage of the short gained freedom to grab the dagger from my stocking and as he leaned me face down into the table, grabbing my hair in one hand while he pushed me in the back with the other, his knees spreading my legs apart, I lowered the knife where it hid in my palm so that the tip was exposed past my finger tips and threw my hand up and over my shoulder, the knife gauging the side of his face. He stepped back, holding the fresh wound with a stunned look on his face.

"You English bitch." He cried as he stumbled, his pants around his legs. I quickly thrust the knife under his chin and dug it into his flesh.

"Now I have an ultimatum for you. If you tell anyone about Jamie." I warned him, "Then I will tell him about what has happened here, and you'll be dead before you even see it coming." I pressed the tip in a little further, "Do I make myself clear?" I asked him.

"You will regret this." He hissed at me, pulling up his breeches as he tried to recover the higher ground.

"If you think you can best a fiery tempered red headed Scot then I wish you well. There's room enough in the kirk yard for you and anyone else you might tell." I said, lowering the blade, but keeping my arm ready to defend myself if need be. He didn't say anything, simply nodded, he knew better than to take his chances with Jamie. I watched him leave, then leaned against the table trying to catch my breath. When my nerves had sufficiently recovered, I picked up the tray and made my way upstairs to Jenny.


	9. Chapter 9: What Do We Do Now?

**Chapter 9: What do we do now?**

"What on earth happened to you?" Taran asked Horrocks when he returned to the group, who was quieter than usual as he took a position on the opposite side of the table. The men had a large map of the area unfolded on the table and were organising the morning raid. As I looked at his face, I could see the knife wound down the side of his cheek, and the nick of a blade under his chin.

"Mishap with my horse." He mumbled, warning them not to take it any further. I stared him down, his eyes darting back to Taran to avoid mine and my blood boiled. A gesture that didn't go unnoticed by the others.

"Aye well. Now that you are here, you can let us know what you found." Taran proceeded, eager to plan his raid. I watched Horrocks carefully, eager for any excuse to make my way upstairs to find out exactly what had happened. If he had hurt her, he wouldn't live another hour, witnesses or not.

I shifted uneasily trying to control my rage as I listened, eventually the briefing was over thirty minutes later the details all taken care of, all that was left was to resupply and wait. I made my excuses and raced up the stairs as quickly as I could. My mind racing with what I might find. I threw open the door to Jenny's room. "Sassenach" He called out impatiently.

"What's gotten into you mo gridah." Jenny yelled, looking at the pale expression on his face. He didn't answer, taking me in his arms and looking me up and down, brushing my hair asideI knew that he was looking for any sign on my skin that he had touched me.

"That rutting bastard." He cursed, staring at the faint redness around my neck where he had held me momentarily by the throat. "I'll kill him." He promised, pushing my hair back to expose the marks further and leaning into my forehead, "I'm so sorry mo nighen donn. I should never have left you alone." He shook.

"We are all right." I assured him, grabbing him by the shirt as he turned to leave. "He didn't hurt me. He tried to but I got him first." I reported, pleased with myself, thinking it best not to go into any more detail.

"That he tried is reason enough." He roared his fists clenched with murderous intent in his eyes.

"Keep your voice down." Jenny warned him, "Do you want the whole house up here?" She asked him,

"I cannae allow him to live." He hesitated from leaving, "If he tries again." I felt him shudder from the thought.

"I know." Apart from his oath to protect me needing avenging, Horrocks posed a risk to us all. "I know what you need to do, and I don't disagree." I supported him, "Just be careful."

"If he had of hurt you." He shook his head, "This has gone too far."

"Shh." I urged him, running my hands through his own hair as he tried to calm his nerves before re-joining the men. "Don't provoke them Jamie. You need to plan your moves carefully." He was a great strategist when he took the time to think before reacting.

"Jamie, Are you up there?" Taran called out from below.

"Go." I urged him, "I'm all right. I promise."  
"Lock the door behind me, I need to know you're safe."

"I will, now go." I pushed him out of the door. His hand holding mine a moment before letting go, not leaving his position until he heard me shut the door and move a chair in front of it.

"What was all that about?" Jenny asked, now looking at my neck for herself. I knew Jamie didn't want to worry his sister, but we were clearly past that point now. I told her about Horrocks, about the watch and what Jamie had planned. Her skin paled, more than it already had, but I could see that she understood. Things had been set in motion and there was no other choice. She pushed through the next contraction, it wouldn't be long now I thought as I prayed that whatever Jamie did next, that it wouldn't end in disaster.

JAMMF

Horrock's disappeared and It took a while to find him, out by the old wall. I do not ken what he was doing, but he had his back to me, and all I could think was how easy it would be to kill him here and now. Taran might miss him, but I was certain I could think of a story worthy of his disappearance, he was a deserter and a traitor after all.

"I wondered when you would come." He sniggered, his back still to me, "You're not a fool, that much I can say for you."  
"The way I see it." I began as he turned around, his pistol cocked and in his hand, "You have two options. You can leave now, and never come back."  
"Or?" He asked, amused that it was even an option.

"Or you'll not be needing to worry about what you'll be eating for supper."

"She told me you'd be a fiery won." He laughed, my fingers tightening around my dirk. "You make a perfect match." He continued, tracing the wound on his cheek. I took a step forward and he tapped his pistol, clearly thinking he had the upper hand. "I don't think you'll want to be doing that."

"You'll be dead before you get a shot off." I smiled at him, it wasn't a threat but a promise. He raised his pistol and aimed it at my head. "I made a promise to protect her from harm, and to seek vengeance on those that do." I warned him. "I've not met man yet who has kept me from keeping my promise."  
"Well you have now." I informed him as he chuckled nervously, his finger squeezing on the trigger, I reached forward, grabbed the pistol pulling it towards me, causing it to fire past my ear and into the wilderness, then threw my elbow up, connecting with his chin as he fell backwards. Throwing the pistol to the side, I stepped over him as he lay dazed on the ground, blood pouring from his nose, I held his hair in my hands and lifted his head up exposing his neck, slicing it opened. He gargled a few times, his eyes staring in disbelief as I watched him take his last breath.

"What have you done?" Ian asked as he raced over from the stables, alerted by the sound of the shot echoing through the air. By the time I could answer, we had been joined by Taran and three of his men.

"He attacked my wife." I answered coldly, wiping the blood from my dirk, "Threatened her life."  
"I see." Taran answered just as coldly, looking over the corpse and tracing his own finger over the knife wounds Claire had inflicted. "I never liked the bastard." He nodded to his men, an order to back down, "Is she harmed in any way?"  
"She'll heal." I knew he could read the look I my eye, I'd take them all on if I had to.

"I'd have done the same." Taran admitted, "I've no room for a rapist in my watch." He said, almost sounding as if it was an apology.

"What about Jenny?" Ian asked, already heading for the house.

"He didn't touch her." I assured Ian, who was already on his way to see for himself.

"My men will see to him." Taran offered, "Go and see to your wife. Give her my apologies." He added. Not eager to spend any more time with the man than I needed to, I accompanied Ian back into the house. Allowing me the first chance I had to let him know wat was happening, and hopefully to get his assistance.

JAMMF

Leaving Ian to speak with Jenny for a moment, Jamie escorted me to the kitchen so I could gather some more hot water. The bairn would be here any minute and I needed to be ready. "Tis taken care of." He assured me, tracing the marks on my neck again, "You need not have to see the man ever again."  
"What about Taran?" I asked, "Surely he won't let you get away with it."  
"He sends his apologies for bringing him into the home. I don't think he will give us any trouble on that account."

"God Jamie." I gasped, how did it all come to this I wondered as he took the heavy pot of water from my hands and walked me back towards the stairs. Taran entered as we made our way into the parlour, and nodded towards me. I watched his eyes hover over my neck and I moved the hair over my shoulders to hide the marks. He hesitated a moment, his eyes dropping in what I thought was guilt.

"I hope he didn't hurt you too badly." He apologised, "I never liked the bastard and if I knew he was so inclined, I'd have never have allowed him in your presence."

"You weren't to know." I nodded gracefully, "But I thank you…" I continued, "Jamie tells me you had your men remove the body."  
"It's the least I can do." He spoke softly, "If I had a wife as lovely as you, with bairn no less, I'd have killed the man outright myself."

"Thank you." I said again, hearing sincerity in his words. "But I must get back to Jenny. The baby is close." I informed him.  
"Of course." He stepped aside and gestured for us to make our way up the stairs. "See to Jenny, then I'll need to speak to you Jamie. We've a few things to discuss, about tomorrow."

"Aye." He replied gripping me tightly around the waist and escorting me up the stairs.

JAMMF

Jenny gave birth to her daughter soon after. A bright pink bundle of joy oblivious to what was going on around her. Jamie and Ian sat with us a while as we found a rare moment of peace amongst the days events. It had been a long night and an even longer day and as I leaned against Jamie's chest, watching as Ian held his daughter beside Jenny on the bed, my exhaustion started to sneak up on me. Jamie sensed it to and I felt has arm around me tighten, helping to keep me on my feet. "You look done in Sassenach." He said, kissing me on the head, "Why don't you turn in?"

"I'm all right." I insisted, watching Jenny beaming with pride, no sign of the torture she had just endured on her face and I wondered if she had been right, if the pain really did disappear so quickly after everything was done.

"Come mo nighean donn." He nodded at his sister and turned me towards the door. "You've earned your rest." He whispered to me as he dragged me towards my own bed. I wanted to stay with him, to have him hold me in his arms a while, but as my head hit the pillow, I was fast asleep before he had even managed to pull the blankets over me.

JAMMF

The next morning, I woke to find Jamie staring at me once again, he was already fully dressed and he had fastened his broadsword to his side. "I'm sorry to wake ye Sassenach." He apologised, "But I must go and I wanted to see you before I left."  
"I don't want you to go." I whispered, reaching out for him,

"And I do not wish to leave you, but I must." He nodded, the strain evident in his face as his eyes blurred and the veins in his neck tightened. "I'll not be gone long." He promised.

"Hurry back to me James Fraser." I gathered his shirt in my fingers and pulled him close to kiss him goodbye. It had become our customary ritual when we were parted from each other. One we used far too often.

"As quick as I can." He nodded, kissing me back. His lips trembling as much as my own. We didn't speak again, and I watched as he stood tall, bowed and left me alone to wait for his return.

JAMMF

Jamie and Ian had been gone two days. I counted every second he was gone, trying to convince myself that everything would be all right, but there was a part of me that feared that I would never see him again. I sat by the fire in our room, holding Mrs Fitz blanket in my arms as I prayed over and over again to bring Jamie home to me. It didn't seem right, how could he be taken from me so soon after I had found him, before he had even met his child. He wanted this baby even more than I did, it meant everything to him. The inhabitant in my womb kicked out, echoing my frustration and I ran a hand over my belly trying to soothe it. "Shh." I whispered, "He'll be home soon."

Jenny came bursting into my room early the next morning, the child in her arms, looking like she had dressed herself hastily in the dark. "Get up." She urged me."  
"What is it? Are they home?" I asked, throwing back the blankets, eager to make my way downstairs.

"Not them, but there's a rider coming, Look." She said pointing out to the crest of the hill nearby. The horse didn't seem familiar, but it was riding at such a pace that it surely brought news of some kind, my heart sank as I realised that the chances were that it wasn't going to be the good kind. Jenny left me to get dressed as she called out for Mrs Crook to take young Jamie and the bairn. We raced out side, reaching the top step just as the horse came to a halt in front of the house.

"Mrs Murray?" The young boy asked, looking at us both with confusion as he tried to catch his breath. He looked like he had been riding through the night.

"Yes?" Jenny stepped forward and held the reigns as he jumped off, a crowd of maidservants and tenants gathered around us now as we all waited to hear the messengers' words.

"I have been sent here by your master. Your husband ma'am, Ian Murray, he has been injured."

"Is he alive?" Jenny asked as I tried to listen to what he was saying,

"My mother has seeing to his injuries but he's hurt bad as soon as he woke he sent me to fetch you."

"And what about his companion?" I asked, not certain who he was or if I should tell him Jamie's name. "Tall, red headed?" I added impatiently.

"I'm sorry ma'am. He was the only one we found. The others were already gone by the time we found them."

"No!" I gasped, shaking my head, my knees weak as I tried to catch my breath. "No." I shook my head again. He couldn't be. Jenny caught me as I fell to the ground, then two more pairs of hands braced my back. "Think." I grabbed the young boy as he stepped closer to see if I was all right? "Was there a red headed man among them?" I asked him again.

"I'm sorry ma'am, there was so much blood, I couldna tell." He apologised.

"Let's get you inside." Jenny insisted as she helped me to my feet,

"No." I steadied myself and stood upright, "If Ian is injured he needs my help." I ordered, "Grab the wagon and I'll grab my supplies. How far is it?" I asked the young boy.

"Just over a days ride. To the East."

"I'm coming with you." Jenny said, hitching up her skirt and ordering the servants to pack her some supplies. I didn't argue with her, nothing could keep her from Ian more than I could be kept from Jamie.

Just like the young boy had, we rode through the night. Having tied his horse to the back of the wagon, the young lad slept in the back with the supplies as we followed his directions to the old crofters cottage. We were worn out both by the time we got there, already exhausted from the events of the last few days. The boy, barely fifteen, helped me from the wagon as Jenny raced inside. We found him there, in a makeshift cot on the floor by the fire. His face pale, his shirt soaked in blood. Jenny cradled him in her arms as I grabbed my medical bag and knelt down beside him. He opened his eyes briefly, still raging with fever from the festering wound on his shoulder.

"I need some hot water." I ordered, "And something to mix the willow bark in for the fever." Jenny looked at me, her eyes asking, 'will he live?' I tore open his shirt exposing the wound, the musket ball had gone right through his shoulder. It had torn the muscles but it had missed the major artery thank goodness. The old woman, the boys' mother I assumed, handed Jenny the water and I stirred the willow bark in and instructed her to make him sip some. I grabbed my knife, cleaned out the wound and began stitching it to avoid further infection. Ian groaned a little but for the most part he stayed still and allowed me to do my work. When it was done, Jenny cradled him, his head in her lap as I washed my hands and waited to see if he would recover.

"Here." The old woman, Margaret she had introduced herself, "Handed me a bannock and a small bowl of stew. "You look like you could use this." She whispered, looking towards where Jenny slept by Ian. "My son tells me your husband was with them?" She inquired tactfully as I took a sip.

"He was." I said, dropping the spoon into the bowl and closing my eyes briefly, "I have to see them." I whispered, I needed to know.

"My husband will take you at first light." She nodded, "I pray you find what you are looking for." She left a blanket by my seat and left me to my thoughts. I wondered for a moment, exactly what it was I was hoping to find. Did I want to find him there, as painful as it would be, or, did I want to learn that he had been taken by the English? Or someone else? Captured? Tortured? Or worse. Would that fate be any better?

I put the broth down, wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and leaned back into the chair. Whatever tomorrow would bring I would need my rest. I was already well past the point of exhaustion and I'd be no use to Jamie, or Ian, if I fell ill as well.

JAMMF

At first light I was heartened to see Ian sitting up, taking some broth by the fire and exchanging glances with Jenny. His fever had broken and he was already regaining his strength. Impatient to find out Jamie's fate, I had insisted that Mr McLean as he had introduced himself, take me out to where he found the men, in his back paddock, three mornings earlier. Jenny had insisted on accompanying me, but I had convinced her to stay with Ian in case he need anything. Mr McClean pulled the wagon to a halt, and I could see the scavengers picking at odd bits of flesh and bone in the thicket up ahead. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what I might find as he helped me off of the wagon and escorted me towards the men.

"I meant to come up here this morning and bury them. Poor souls." He crossed his chest. "No man deserves to die like this." He bowed his head. I didn't respond, instead taking in the details of each corpse.

I recognised the first three immediately as the men of the watch, a forth lay up ahead, his face gone but his clothing and his shape similar to the man they had called Jacob. Four down two to go I whispered to myself. I had to walk a little deeper into the bush to get to them, they had clearly survived a little longer and tried to reach the safety of the thick bush further inland. One was short, too short for Jamie but the last, tall, muscular with blood stained curls lay faced down in the dirt, three musket balls to the back. My hands shook as I reached out, I tried to flip him over but he was too heavy. Trying to fight back the tears, I grabbed his shirt and lifted it up over his shoulders.

"Mistress are you all right?" I heard him ask as my hands shook with relief and I felt unstable on my feet.

"It's not him." I shouted, "It's not Jamie." I wanted him to share my joy, but he just looked at me expressionless. "My husband's not here." I cried.

"Then there's hope." He nodded, stretching out a hand to escort me away from the stench of the rotting corpses.

"Where is he?" I asked him, not expecting him to answer.

"Looks like Red Coats." He answered, "They came through here three days ago." My joy turned to fear, three days ago. If the English found out who he was, and I knew they would, then Jamie could be hung in a matter of days. "Come lass." He grabbed me gently and escorted me towards the wagon, "I best be getting you back."  
"Yes." I agreed, I needed to get back, I needed to tell Jenny and I needed to gather some supplies. If Jamie was alive, I would find him.

JAMMF

"He wasn't there." I told Jenny and Ian as soon as I arrived, warming myself by the fire as I gathered my thoughts. "Jamie is out there and I'm going to find him."

"Don't be daft." Ian scolded me, "Jamie would never allow you to go after him, not in your condition."

"Ian's right." Jenny agreed, "He wouldn't." she smiled at her husband, "But when has Claire ever been one to do what she is told." She winked at me. "I'll be going with you." She stood up, grabbing my hands. "We will find him, together."  
"I can't ask you to do that." She had Ian and her children to look after.

"I don't believe I'm asking your permission." She bit back at me, "He's my brother too and Ian's right, the countryside is no place for a woman in your condition on her own."

JAMMF

Our minds made up, we wasted no time in gathering some supplies. Unable to ride a horse myself, Mr McLean kindly leant his wagon to us and Margaret baked some fresh bannocks. They wished us god speed and promised to see Ian safely home to Lallybroch. It was hard going, the wagon tossed us around as we urged the horses to go as fast as they could. We were already three days behind them, we needed to catch up as fast as we could. The sun was starting to fall in the afternoon sky and Jenny was starting to tire as she held the reigns.

"What are you doing?" I asked her as she slowed the horses down and steered them towards a small clearing off the side of the track. "We need to keep going."  
"You need to rest Claire." She objected, "And the horses have gone as far as they can for the day."

"But we've already come so far." I was sure we could go further yet.  
"And if we leave at first light, we will make up some more distance." She said, reaching out her hand as she begged me to listen. "Trust me Claire. Jamie taught me how to track, I know what I'm doing." I didn't speak, I knew she was right and I simply nodded and grabbed the pot she handed me, heading towards the centre of the clearing where we would make our fire. I gathered some kindling as Jenny scouted for some bigger timbers. Once the fire was started, we sat around it, eating our broth silently as we contemplated our thoughts. Settled under the blanket by the fire, I wept uncontrollably, unable to contain it any longer. I felt an odd sense of relief when I finally stopped, like a burden had been lifted as I curled up, imagining Jamie's arms wrapped tightly around mine as I listened to the sounds of the woodlands nearby.

JAMMF

"Shh lassie it's me." He blocked my attempt to stab him with the dirk as he grabbed the knife from my fingers, "I'm glad to see he taught you something." He grinned.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, "How did you find us?"

"Mrs Crook sent for me, I met Ian at the cottage and he told me where you were heading." He explained helping me to my feet and handing me back the dirk. "He called you a daft fool and I cannae say as I disagree. Jamie would not approve." He mumbled, taking the bowl of porridge from Jenny as we sat on the log by the freshly stoked fire.

"Well he can scold me all he likes when we find him." I told Murtagh, "I won't abandon him, not now." I protested.

"Aye. I can see that." He smiled, pleased, "But just what did you think you were going to do once you got there? Just waltz right in and ask them to let him go?"  
"Something like that." I nodded shyly, realising I hadn't actually thought that far.

"Well it's a good thing I found you then." He shook his head disapprovingly, finishing the last of his bowl and getting up to leave.

"Where are you going?" I asked, surely he wouldn't give up that easily.  
"Jenny said you wanted to leave at first light." He reminded me, "Time we got moving." Murtagh looked to Jenny who kicked some dirt onto the fire and extinguished the flames.

"Of course." I said, trying to lean over and roll up my blanket, unwilling to admit that my enlarged size made any task difficult. Murtagh picked up my blanket with ease, rolled it up and threw it in the back of the wagon.

"You should go back." He encouraged me, "I promise you I'll find him."  
"I won't, and I'll ask you not to mention it again." I brushed him off heading for the wagon, He helped me up and Jenny took her seat beside me. He rode beside us, his weapons at the ready should the need arise and we made our way closer to our destination.


	10. Chapter 10: Wentworth

**Chapter 10: Wentworth**

We stopped sometime in the afternoon on the third day. Murtagh knew of a little inn out of the way and had insisted that we stop for a decent meal and rest. I had objected, but not being able to recall the last time I had eaten anything substantial and thinking only of the child, I reluctantly agreed, and found myself happily chewing on a slice of roast pork and various vegetables while Murtagh made enquires around the room as to Red Coat activity. Jenny fidgeted uneasily in her seat as I did, eager to get on the road, when Murtagh came bounding up to us, his features relaxed slightly as he shared what he had learned.

"Have they seen Jamie?" I asked, swallowing my latest mouthful.

"No. But I might have something just as good." He remarked, "Dougal was here two nights ago, he's camped nearby raising funds for his Jacobite army again."  
"Dougal's here?" I confirmed, "Maybe he can help, he rescued Jamie once before." My heart began to lightening, maybe this was the good luck we had been looking for.

"Aye." Murtagh added,

"I don't trust him." Jenny added sourly, "He always has his own agenda."

"I don't disagree with you, but we could use all the help we can get." Murtagh noted.

"Where is he?" I asked deciding it was worth a slight detour,

"He's close. We can travel there as soon as you are finished."

"Then let's go." I stood up, pushing my plate aside, "No time to waste."

Murtagh took us along a hidden path, covered with dense foliage. It was too thick for the wagon and I almost lost my footing once or twice but with every step I felt one step closer to Jamie. "Not far now." He said as the dirt turned to stone underneath. "Let me go first." He insisted pushing past us as we hung back a little. The path led us into an old carved out cave under the ground, it was dark and moist but there were lanterns along the wall filling the room with a dull glow.

"I never expected to see you here." A familiar voice bellowed from the darkness, "Or you Madam Fraser." His tone stopped me cold in my tracks, and Murtagh held out a hand urging me to keep back.  
"We need your help." I began, pleading on his better nature, knowing he thought fondly of Jamie, despite his actions towards him.

"Aye. Jamie. I've heard." He admitted

"What are you doing about it?" I asked stepping forward past Murtagh and closer to him, the light exposing his stone like features. Murtagh took me by the arm to stop me but I shook him off. Leaving him to stand with Jenny behind me.

"There's nothing to be done." He replied coldly and my heart sank, was I too late?

"Is he dead?" I asked him impatiently.

"If he isn't yet he soon will be. He was sentenced to hang three days ago." Jenny and I exchanged agonising glances.  
"So he could still be alive." I looked to Dougal and then Murtagh, "We need to rescue him."  
"Rescue him, from Wentworth." He scoffed, "I've got a better chance of putting the rightful king on the throne."

"That's my brother you're talking about." Jenny spat at him.

"We need to do something." I begged. "Lend me your men, help us get him out."  
"No." Dougal laughed off the idea, "It would be suicide."  
"You coward." Jenny cursed him as I reached out and slapped him, and he grabbed my had preventing the second blow. His grip tightened and my arm burned beneath his fingertips.

"Let her go." Murtagh stepped forward, pointing his dirk toward Dougal.  
"He's your nephew, why won't you help him?" I asked, tears welling in my eyes. "Please I'll do anything." Dougal paused on this thought, and looked to Murtagh.

"I'd like a moment alone with the lady." Dougal ordered, eyeing my companions off suspiciously. If he wanted something then there might just be a chance.

"Claire no." Jenny cried out.

"Not a chance." Murtagh stood his ground. I don't know why but I felt the fear rising within me, but I couldn't let any chance of helping Jamie go.

"It's all right." I nodded to Murtagh, "I'll be all right." I promised. He stood a moment, before reluctantly grabbing Jenny and making his way to the start of the cavern.

Dougal took me by the arm and led me deeper into the cavern. "Anything." He continued once we were alone.

"Name it." I said, "Help me save Jamie and it's yours."

"What if it's you that I want?" He asked, looking me up and down,

"I'm Jamie's wife and I'm carrying his child." I rebuked him, not unsurprised.

"Aye. But if the lad is gone then the bairn's going to need a father, and you a husband."  
"No. Never." I shook my head affirmatively.

"That's my price. I'll let you talk to my men, ask then for their assistance, if you agree to marry me when Jamie dies."

"You can't be serious." How devious did he need to be to ask such a thing? My stomach turned at the thought and I felt faint.

"I've never been more serious." Dougal stepped forward, playing with my hair as it strayed above my shoulders, "Marry me and you'll be looked after, you and the bairn."  
"And you'll get Lallybroch." I added coldly, "That's what you've wanted all along." I had known it ever since Jamie had told me, right after we were married. If he died, the estate would go to his wife, and his children. I thought of Jenny, of her family. Dougal would throw her out in a heartbeat and she would be left destitute. On the other hand, if we rescued Jamie then the argument would be void.

"I'll not deny it." He said, waiting for my answer.

"All right." I nodded, "If Jamie is gone. Then I'll marry you." The words tasted vile in my mouth as I spat them out.

"You won't regret it." He promised trying to play with my hair again as I stepped away from him. "Send for Murtagh, we've no time to waste." I insisted as I prayed Jamie could be saved.

JAMMF

I didn't tell Murtagh about my deal, although he questioned me on how I had gotten Dougal to change his mind. Dougal escorted us out to the brook behind the cavern to where the men had made camp. I recognised the familiar faces instantly and for the first time since I had last seen them, I realised that I had missed them dearly.

"Mistress Claire." Rupert grinned as he came to greet us, moving in to give me a bear hug and pausing at the last moment recalling my condition, "You grow more and more beautiful by the day."  
"Aye." Angus agreed as he came to join us, "Would ye give us a kiss for old time sake?" He asked.

"Hello Angus, Rupert." I smiled, "I've missed you too."

"Here." They said pointing towards the fallen tree by the fire, "Have a seat."  
"There's no time for that I'm afraid. I've come to ask your help." I said getting right down to business

"What can we do for you?" They asked inquisitively, Dougal watching on over my shoulder.

"I need you to help me rescue Jamie."  
"Aye poor lad." Rupert bowed his head sorrowfully.

"It's a sad thing for sure Mistress, but there's nothing we can do about it." Angus added.

"But you rescued me." I reminded them, "Please. It's Jamie, he'd be the first to rescue you and you know it."

"We would if we could." Rupert looked towards Dougal.

"I'll not stop ye." He spoke up, "Any man who wishes to go you have my blessing." But none stood forward, I inhaled sharply, receiving a strong kick for my actions. Rubbing my belly I looked around at all the men. I knew it was no small favour I was asking them. Dougal lowered his head, smirking pleased with the result.

"Will no one join me?" I asked looking at their faces. "You'll just let Jamie hang?"

"You don't mean to go yourself Mistress?" Willie asked, Angus looking on wondering the same.

"I'll not leave him behind, I owe it to him to try."

"They'll hang you too." Rupert announced solemnly, "What about the bairn?"  
"A bairn needs a father." My determination was clear for all to see, I would go with or without them.

"I'll go." Willy stepped forward, "Jamie has been a good friend." He said, looking to the others. "As have you mistress Claire."

"It's a fools mission." Angus remarked, looking to Rupert who lowered his head in shame.

"Well if the lads going, we cannae let him go on his own." Rupert added.

"Aye." Angus stepped forward, "Someone needs to keep the lad from the noose." He agreed.

"Well god speed to you lads, Mistress Fraser." Dougal nodded,

"You'll not be joining us then?" I asked taken aback a little.

"I told ye, it's suicide. But I wish you all the best."

"So be it." I remarked as we gathered our things and made our way towards Wentworth, three more men than we had started with, and less than was desirable for such a task but at least it was something.

JAMMF

The walls of Wentworth prison were large and uninviting. I shuddered to think what I would find inside as I made my way through the large gates and past the guards. Murtagh came as my escort, while the men and Jenny made camp just up the road, hidden from any patrols. The man in charge of the prison was an older gentleman, grubby and portly with few manners. He spoke with indifference to the men in his care and I wondered what little hope they had If the man responsible for them showed no interests in their affairs.

I introduced myself as a well born English friend of the family using my maiden name of Mrs Beecham. Travelling on my way to visit his family, having promised his mother I had promised to look in on him and give him her thoughts. I had frustratingly been denied any access to the prisoner, but I felt a great sense of relief to learn that his execution had been postponed. Although, the reason behind it was illusive. It took all of my nerve to remain composed and not give away my true reason for being there. After my meeting with the warden, I had been escorted towards the front gates. Taking in every detail around me as I tried to find a way out of here. We were almost at the main courtyard when a fellow guard raised an alarm and we were directed to make our way out on our own. Looking to Murtagh, I turned and ran back to the warden's office, relieved to find it empty.

"What are you doing woman?" He asked, trying to drag me out of the room, "If they catch ye you'll be hanged."  
"Help me find it." I yelled at him.

"Find what?"  
"The keys, there has to be some keys around here." I said searching hastily.

"We need to go." He said, "We can come back once we've made a plan."  
"We're close Murtagh, I can feel it." I begged him, finding what I was looking for as a young guard came in to investigate the noises. Murtagh knocked him out cold and dragged him out of sight. "I need to find him."  
"Let me." He insisted, grabbing for the keys.

"NO." I refused to hand them over. "If they catch you you'll be hanged. I can say I got caught up in the commotion, lost my way."  
"I'll not let you go in there on your own."  
"I'm not asking your permission." I said pushing open the door and making my way into the passage.

"Claire." He called out in one final attempt to stop me but I didn't stop to argue.

"Meet me out by the clearing. I'll find you there." I promised him as I moved out of site.

The smell was almost unbearable as I looked in cell after cell of men, wasting away in their own filth as they awaited their punishment. I dreaded finding Jamie in such conditions, but at least he would be alive. "Jamie." I called out, "Jamie Fraser." Someone told me they had seen him, taken by the guards and I followed the corridor to the end of the line, finding a set of stairs that led down to the dungeons. If they wanted him separated from the others, it was a s good a place as any I thought. Hiding from the guards as they walked past, I made my way to the solid iron door at the end of the room.

JAMMF

I gasped, not prepared for the sight before me. Jamie lay naked and bleeding shackled to the floor in front of me. His body covered in filth and dried blood. This was not the strong fearsome man who had rescued me all those months ago, this was a broken man, tortured and corrupted to breaking point. I ran to his side and gathered him close to me. "Jamie." I cried, "Jamie it's me." He didn't respond straight away and I feared that his mind might be gone as well. Brushing the blood soaked curls from his face I reached down and kissed his lips, my body tingling as he kissed them back softly. "Jamie." I cried again, he was alive.

"Mo nighean donn." He whispered, surprised to find that I was real. "You need to go. It's not safe for you here."

"I'm not leaving you." I shook my head, "I can't."

"You must. Randall will be back any moment." A surge of adrenalin shot through his body as he tried to sit up. His hand twitched as it tried to reach up to my face and I noticed just how mangled it was.

"What has he done to you?" I asked, helping him place his hand on my cheek.

"Sassenach please." He begged, "You need to get out of here before he comes back."

"Well what have we got here?" The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I felt every muscle in his body tense up beneath me. "You do keep showing up in the most peculiar of places." He grinned sadistically.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him, lowering Jamie back down to the ground before spinning around to face him, "Have you not hurt him enough already?"  
"I'm certain I have no idea what you mean madam." He replied, making his way towards me. I felt Jamie sit up behind me, his hand on my leg urging me to get behind him. I moved back, but there was nowhere to go in such cramped quarters. "I was simply interrogating a prisoner."  
"I'm sure your superiors will have something to say about this." If I ever had the chance to tell them I thought.

"And who is going to tell them? You?" He echoed my thoughts, looking me up and down, taking in my swollen belly, "Who's going to believe the wife of a murderer, a wife I might add who has been caught trying to break her husband out of prison. A crime punishable by death." He reminded me, "It would be such a shame, and to think just what will happen to that poor orphan of yours?"

"Leave her alone." Jamie roared to life, finding the strength to stand in between us. "You have me, let my wife go."

"And just why should I do that?" Randall asked, looking at his two captives, pleased with the situation he found himself in.

"You said it yourself, she's with child." Jamie begged, "Let her go and she'll not say anything." He looked to me, urging me to submit, "I promise."

"It's an intriguing proposal." He admitted, "But I could just as easily buy her silence by more…. Forceful… means." He responded, speaking his words more slowly at the end. He pushed Jamie aside, forcing him to lose his balance and threw me against the wall, his hands gripping tightly around my neck as I struggled to breath while he pinned me against the iron bars.

"No!" Jamie screamed, "Get your hands off her." Jamie cried out as he rammed his body into Randall. Winded, Randal released me slightly, then turned to see Jamie, trying to raise himself off of the ground where he had fallen, kicking him in the ribs to keep him down.

"Stop it, stop it." I tried to scream. Content that Jamie was incapacitated, Randall returned his attention to me,

"Shall we continue our previous conversation madam?" He asked, pulling out his dirk and tracing the laces of my bodice. The knife dug into the material and I felt the tip of the blade against my waist as it hovered over my unborn child. I tried not to, but I began weeping hysterically.

"Please." I begged on deaf ears.

"NOOOO! Take me." Jamie cried out, tears streaming down his face as he stared at me, frightened beyond words. "Let her go and you can have me." He offered.

"Jamie no." I objected, as the knife pressed in a little further and I grimaced at the sharp sensation.

"Well this is interesting." Randall smirked considering the proposal, "You would give yourself to me? Freely?"  
"To save my wife and child." He confirmed, "Let them go unharmed and you can do with me as you will but please. Don't hurt her or the bairn." He pleaded.

"No Jamie." I begged again,

"Shh mo nighean donn." Jamie spoke to me as if we were alone, "I promised I would protect you, with my body if need be." He reminded me. "If I can keep you safe by giving myself over to this bastard." He swallowed harshly, "Then I beg you to let me."

"Agreed." Randall interrupted, "You drive a hard bargain sir but I accept." He said releasing me from his grip. I ran to Jamie's side, holding him close as he held me back just as tight.

"I won't leave you. I can't?" I come too far, I was too close.  
"You must and you will." He said, brushing the hair from my face and gathering me close, kissing me goodbye. I cried uncontrollably, after all I had been through how could I leave him now.

"Go." Jamie insisted, "Go far away from here." I had no words left, shaking my head violently in opposition as I stroked the sides of his face. "See the bairn safe Sassenach." He whispered.

"Enough." Randall picked me up and started dragging me towards the door.

"No." I screamed breaking free, wrapping my arms around Jamie's neck, "I love you Jamie Fraser. You promised you'd never leave me." I wept wildly.

"And I never will." He promised me, taking my head in his hands and kissing me forcefully as Randall pulled us apart. "I love ye mo nighean donn. Take care of the bairn." He called out to me, "Tell him I loved him dearly, and his mother."

My mind numb with grief, Randall dragged me through the passageways, turning left and right till I had no idea where I was then shoved me through an open chute in the floor. I landed flat on my back on the cold ground, surrounded by the corpses of the men hung earlier that day. I don't know how long I lay there, or how far I walked afterwards. All I knew was that Jamie was still alive and I would never see him again.

JAMMF

Dazed and numb, I didn't know how far I had walked and hadn't noticed the figure advancing on me from my right. I barely understood what they were saying as one of them lifted me off the ground and I felt a sense of weightless overcome me.

"Claire? Claire?" Jenny whispered, "What is it?"  
"Did they hurt you lass?" Murtagh added. I wanted to answer him, to tell him what had happened but I couldn't find the words. Feeling myself going into shock, I buried myself into his shoulder and wept as he carried me to safety.

It wasn't until much later that I realised that I was seated in an upright position, the warm flames from the fire blowing across my skin as people chatted all around me. "Jamie." I whispered, causing them to turn around in my direction. Jenny came to squat beside my chair, Murtagh standing behind her as I recognised Angus, Rupert and two other men I didn't know in the corner.

"Is he alive lass?" Murtagh asked again,

"You gave us all a fright." Jenny added handing me something warm to drink, "Did you see Jamie?"  
"Oh god." I spoke abruptly. "You should see what he's done to him, Oh god Jamie."

"Who, who did what to the lad?" Murtagh inquired further.

"Black Jack Randall." I struggled to say his name,

"That bastard is there?" Jenny asked for confirmation. "With Jamie?"

"You wouldn't recognise him Jenny, he's been so horribly…." I broke down, unable to explain what I had seen.

"How did you get out?" Angus asked, stepping forward.

"Randall let me go." I answered still half dazed.  
"He what?" Murtagh shook his head, "That Bastard Randall wouldn't just give up so easily. What aren't you telling us lass?"  
"Jamie." I began, "He was going to kill us." I said, feeling my throat still tender, and then playing with the rip in my skirt above my belly. I noticed Jenny cover her mouth in shock as Angus and Rupert cursed something in Gaelic.

"Did he hurt you?" Murtagh whispered hesitantly, his muscles just as tense as Jamie's had been.

"Jamie stopped him." I looked at Jenny, "He traded his life for mine."

"And Randall accepted?" Murtagh shook his head, "Of course he did."

"It was Jamie he wanted. He promised to…" I confirmed, looking at them both, knowing they knew exactly what I meant, "If he didn't harm us. Oh god what have I done?"

"Right." Angus said, looking at Rupert and Murtagh. "We don't have much time."

"If Randall's there, the lad may be better off dead." Rupert added.

"Don't you say that, don't you dare say that." I stood up, chastising him. I had a renewed sense of purpose, shrugging of the blanket and standing my ground. "I need to go back."  
"No." Murtagh shook his head, defiant. "You've done enough lass. It's up to us now."  
"And me." Jenny added a look of determination in her eye.

"Not you either." Murtagh stopped her, "You need to go home Jenny."

"I will not." Her temper was flaring and I could see her readying for an argument. "He's my brother. I'm coming."

"If we do this, there will be no place in Scotland to hide, we will have to flee." He informed her, and us at the same time. "You need to go back, to your family." He placed a hand on her shoulder, "They need you more than Jamie does. I promise you we'll send word and let you know how he is."  
"Damn you." She cursed, seeing reason. "You bring my brother home you hear me." She ordered Murtagh "And you." She said turning to me. "You give him a big kiss from the both of us and tell him to come back as quick as he can."

"I will." I said, hugging her tightly, wondering if I would ever see her again.

There was no time to waste. The owner of the croft we were hiding in, lent Jenny a horse and she headed back to Lallybroch before it was too late. As soon as we made our move the roads would be crawling with soldiers looking for their escaped prisoner. Angus, Rupert and Murtagh discussed their plans and were ready in less than an hour. As they started to leave I stood up, grabbing my dirk and hiding it back in my pocket.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Murtagh asked as I followed him out the door.

"With you." I said, closing my cloak against the bitter cold.

"Not a chance." He stopped me as Angus and Rupert mounted their horses and looked away clearly agreeing with Murtagh. Watching the men, I noticed that I hadn't seen Willy among the men in the croft, who I now realised had been keeping a look out outside while the others had tended to me and made their plans. "You will stay right here and I'll here no more about it."

"You'll not send me away like you did Jenny." I warned him,

"I wouldn't stand a chance if I tried." He scoffed at me, "But ye've risked your life once already and Jamie wouldn't want ye to do it again. It's our turn now." He said, mounting is own horse and turning the horse towards the road, "We'll come for ye once we're done. Be ready." He ordered as he trotted off down the road with the others.

JAMMF

I paced back and forward while I waited, first inside by the fire, then out in the yard watching the road for any sign of them. I had little in the way of belongings, except my medical box that I had brought to care for Ian. I had gathered as many supplies as I could from our gracious hosts, who it turned out had been a friend of Jamie's mother, knowing the extent of his injuries before he had sent me away, and imagining the shocking things he may have done to him after I had left. We had cut up their sheets to make as many bandages as possible, collected as much opium and laudanum as we could find and restocked with what other medicines and herbs they could spare.


	11. Chapter 11: The Abbey

**Chapter 11: The Abbey**

Wishing I had a watch or at least a clock, it felt like hours had passed and I was beginning to imagine all sorts of terrible scenarios just as I heard the faint sound of horses clipping along the dirt track. Running out into the darkness, almost tripping on the branches as I went, my heart felt like it was going to burst right out of my chest as the sound was accompanied by the image of a wagon, driven at full speed. Rupert was at the reigns while Murtagh, Willy and Angus rode behind him. "Woah." He pulled the wagon up to a quick stop as I ran out onto the road to meet them, "What do you think you were doing? I almost ran you over." He cursed at me.

"How is he?" I asked, trying to make out the dark shape hidden under a pile of blankets and sheets. Angus and Murtagh got off of their horses and lifted me into the back of the wagon, and as I lifted the blankets up, Murtagh took my hand,

"It isn't pretty." He warned me, "That bastard done a right number on him."  
"Is he alive?" I asked hesitantly.

"Aye." He replied softly, almost regretfully.

"We need to go." Angus insisted, looking back from where they'd come from.

"That bastard Black Jack is dead, I seen it with my own eyes, but they'll find us easy enough if they try." Murtagh informed me, "Come." He pulled me back so that I was more secure in the back of the wagon. I stretched out beside him, cradling his head in my lap as Murtagh remounted his horse and Rupert took off at great speed again. I didn't know where we were going and I didn't care. All I knew is that Jamie was safe, his body would heal in time, as mangled as it was, but he was alive and that was at least better than nothing.

JAMMF

Jamie had once told me, when we had first met, how he had spent some time convalescing in an abbey in France where his Uncle Alexander was an abbot. I wondered, pulling up outside the white pristine doors of the abbey, how he would feel seeing his nephew in such a state, only five years later. I knew we wouldn't be safe here for long, but at least it would give me a chance to dress his wounds in a sterile area, and allow him time to recover physically if not emotionally. We had spent the last three days travelling by night and hiding by day, trying to keep from sight. I had been able to apply no more than basic first aid and I worried that some of his wounds were beginning to fester. He was running a fever, and apart from a few garbled ramblings of Gaelic or French he had barely opened his eyes or acknowledged our presence. Given the state of his mangled hand and his other injures I had decided that it was properly for the best.

The monks had prepared a room for our arrival, as Willy had ridden ahead to announce or presence. A fire was roaring with a pot of water, ready to sterilise the bandages and medical tools as they helped us to carry Jamie in carefully and placed him in the bed. He groaned at the discomfort but he didn't wake. I had already triaged his wounds on our way here, first I would need to clean and disinfect the wounds on his back, then I would have to reset the bones in his hand, so mangled that they were almost unsalvageable. I felt faint, I knew exactly what it would take and how painful it would be and I didn't have nearly enough supplies of laudanum. After all he had been through, his torture wasn't over yet.

Angus and Rupert hovered around the doorway as Willy and Murtagh helped me turn him, fetching me fresh boiled rags while I cleaned the wound and applied what little I had to stop the spread of the infection that had already started to form. I could see that the thought of what we had to do made them as sick as I felt, but they didn't flinch. I was glad, I needed their strength right now. Once his back was taken care of, I had them turn him over, the pressure on his back causing him more pain forcing Murtagh to give him another drop of laudanum as I grabbed his hand and prepared to reset the bones and straighten his fingers.

The entire operation took almost three hours, my hands were shaking by the time I had finished and I could barely stand on my own two feet. I took a step back, stumbling as Murtagh caught me and guided me back down onto the stool. "Careful lass." He whispered, "You've done a braw job. Get some rest and I'll take it from here." He said, grabbing the dirty rag from my hand.

"He'll need me if he wakes." I protested, not wanting to leave him ever again.

"Murtagh's right." Angus stepped forward, "We'll watch him for ye lass."

"There's a room ready for you down the hall." One of the monks, who I hadn't notice enter, informed me.

"Please mistress." Willy pleaded with me, with such tenderness in his eyes. "He'll not want you suffering on his part." I knew he was right, and that Jamie had taken enough laudanum to keep him asleep for a few hours yet.  
"All right. But just for an hour or so." I insisted, looking to Murtagh, "And you'll wake me as soon as there's any change?"

"You have my word." He nodded. I nodded back, too tired to argue and began to make my way towards the door.

"I'll bring you something to eat." Rupert added, heading in the other direction towards the kitchen as Willy escorted me to my quarters. My bones aching from exhaustion, I removed only the top layers of my clothing, wanting to remain half decent in case I needed to get to Jamie in a hurry, and settled myself between the sheets. I didn't even hear Rupert come in with my dinner, already fast asleep and a million miles away.

JAMMF

Over the next week Jamie drifted in and out of consciousness. When he was lucid, he suffered bouts of intense rage and would attack those who came near him, throwing objects at them and ordering them to leave him be. He refused to look at me and I felt helpless, I could mend his body, but there was little I could do to mend his mind or his soul. On the third day, when he had reached out and grabbed me violently in his rage, Murtagh had insisted that I keep my distance for my own safety and the men all insisted that I not be in the room alone with him. I had objected at first, but the intensity with which he had gripped my hands, almost snapping them in half had frightened me. The terrible things he would say, even in Gaelic I could understand the hatred behind them and new they weren't directed at me, but I couldn't help but fear him a little.

I heard him once, as I returned with fresh bandages, talking to Murtagh. My heart broke as I listened to him, begging his godfather to end his life. I knew he would do it himself if he didn't believe it to be a sin and he so righteous. Thank goodness I remembered thinking that his stubbornness was actually saving his life. I hadn't gone in then, choosing to go for a walk instead, so I could find somewhere to cry away from watchful eyes. I was determined to stay strong, not to fall apart, it was a luxury I didn't have.

As Jamie's fever passed and his body healed, Angus and Rupert spent most of their time hunting and gathering food for the abbey, in return for the shelter and protection they provided. Willy kept a watchful eye on me, brining me small parcels of food on a regular basis and insisting that I take it easy when I had been tending to Jamie for long periods of time. Murtagh, I was so grateful for his presence, never left Jamie's side. Jamie was going to need him much more than he knew. I tried to be there for him, but my presence seemed to make his condition worse, I wanted to hold him tight against my breast, to soothe his fears and tell him it was all going to be ok, I wanted him to tell me the same but he shrank away from me every time I came near so I limited myself to sitting with him when I knew he was asleep. It was breaking my heart and I felt helpless to stop it.

JAMMF

I had taken over the last few days to walking through the gardens after dinner, to gain a little solitude and to help me find some solace from the heartache of the days events. It was on one such occasion, as I reflected that it had been almost a month since his injuries and he was no more healed than when we had first arrived, that I found myself wondering if he would ever be the Jamie I knew ever again. If Murtagh was right and that Jamie might have been better off not surviving at all. The thought of losing him pained me greatly, but the thought of him living in endless torture as he did currently was even harder to take. I remember looking out towards the water, where the grounds of the abbey flowed into the sea beyond. I watched as the waves splashed against the stone walls of the east wing to my left, and danced around the pillars of the wooden pier before me. It wasn't used much, save for resupplying the abbey from sea. A small wooden boat was tied to the pier, with giant oars resting on its benches to row out to the larger vessels. I thought, for a moment, how nice it would be to just keep rowing out to see and to never come back.

I was still thinking such thoughts, when I noticed a dark figure, standing on the roof of the east wing and looking out to sea. How strange I thought that they would post a guard in such a position and wondering if they were expecting a shipment. I looked out to the sea again, but couldn't see a vessel, and as I looked back, I saw that the figure was no longer there the image now replaced by the sound of a large object plummeting into the sea below. My heart froze. "Jamie" I called out, "JAMIE NOOOO!" I raced towards the little wooden vessel, the oars were heavy and I had trouble getting my momentum started as I watched him, bobbing up and down on the surface. I knew he was a good swimmer, he knew how to save himself if he wanted to, but the man before me was making no effort to find his way to shore. As I approached his position, I threw the oars aside and reached out to try and pull him in. He shrugged free of my grip, and I realised he was half sedated with laudanum and seed of the poppy. Jamie had no idea what he was doing, he was in a trance from too much milk of the poppy. I reached out to grab him again, grasping him by the shirt collar, but as I leaned forward for a better grip, the small boat capsized and I found myself thrown into the icy cold water myself.

Fully dressed and wearing my night cloak, my clothes drenched with water and the extra weight from my advanced pregnancy weighed me down and I found myself sinking like a stone. I thrashed about, trying to reach the surface, to get my cloak off but my fingers were turning numb from the cold. "Jamie." I cried out, but I couldn't find him. As I was pulled under again, I noticed he was below me, and I stopped. As I watched his lifeless body sinking to the bottom of the ocean I was overcome with clarity. I Stopped struggling, stopped fighting. If he was determined to die, and it certainly seemed like he was beyond the point of saving, then I was going to go with him.

JAMMF

"Christ." Murtagh watched as Jamie walked across the rooftop. He had left him for a brief moment so he could use the chamber pot, returning to find Jamie gone. He had searched the abbey alerting everyone he passed to no avail. But as he looked out the window over the gardens below he found what he was looking for. His heart had skipped a beat, he knew exactly what Jamie was going to do, having denied him his request several times already Murtagh raced out towards him, calling out for Rupert and Angus below to try and reach him from the other direction.

"Mistress?" Willy called out, trying to find her in the gardens where he had left her. It wasn't until Angus came racing past him that he sensed that something was wrong. Following them down to the pier, the three men froze as they watched the events unfolding before them.

"Mistress?" Angus called out as he watched the boat capsize,

"Go get some help lad." Rupert ordered Willy, "Christ, they're going to freeze to death."

"Not if I can help it." Angus quickly removed his sword and dove off of the end of the pier, just as Murtagh jumped from the abbey roof to join him. Swimming out as fast as he could, he joined Murtagh in diving under and trying to find them, the night already dark they had to feel their way around in the murky water.

Murtagh found Jamie first, grabbing the back of his shirt, which was all he wore, and tried to get him to the surface. "Hold on lad." He begged as he waded back towards the shore, watching for any sign of Angus and Claire. To his delight, Angus appeared seconds later, with Claire in hand, he managed to remove her heavy cloak and waded her lifeless body towards the pier. Willy had arrived with some of the monks and together with Rupert they reached down and lifted them up onto the docks.

"Are they alive?" Willy asked as the two of them were spread out on the wooden planks.

"Quick." One of the monks shouted, "We need to get them inside and warm, there's still time." They were quickly bundled up under thick blankets and rushed inside. Murtagh and Angus sat a moment on the docks, catching their breath as they came to terms with what had just happened.

"Keeping those two safe has become a full time occupation." Murtagh joked trying to ease the tension as Angus reached out a hand to help him up.

"Aye." Angus agreed, as they made their way inside to check on them and change into some dry clothes.

JAMMF

Jamie had been placed back in his room, his body wrapped in blankets and the fire stoked to try and warm him up as he lay there unconscious. Murtagh resumed his watch over him, with Rupert by his side. Claire was place in her own room, wrapped in a similar fashion, the monks had removed her drenched clothing and dressed her in a spare shirt to save her modesty. She hung close to death, watched on by Willy and Angus. The monks moved back and forth, stoking the fires and checking their patience as the hours passed and their bodies slowly turned from a dire shade of blue back to pink and cream. Only time would tell if they had saved them in time.

"She's still with us." Willy announced positively as Angus returned from checking on Jamie. "She's a fighter." He smiled, watching the blankets rise more and more with each breath.

"So is he." Angus nodded, "Stupid fool. What did he think he was doing?" Angus cursed as he took a seat by the fire.

"What do you think happened to him?" Willy wondered aloud, "They love each other so fiercely, what would make him choose such a thing?"  
"I do na wont to know." Angus mumbled, "But it mustn't be good that's for sure."

Keeping watch over her during the night, whispering their Gaelic prayers and hoping that she would be all right, Willy and Angus waited with baited breath.

"Mistress? Mistress?" Willy whispered early the next morning, her breath was more rapid and she was moving her arms. "Angus I think she's waking up." He announced joyously.

Angus hastily joined Willy to see for himself. "Mistress." Angus whispered, shaking her slightly, "Can ye hear me?"

"Mmmm." She groaned, pushing his hand away. Willy and Angus exchanged looks of hope.

"Get the monks." Angus ordered Willy who quickly raced down the hall to find them. "It's all right mistress. You're safe now." He spoke softly, holding her hand.

JAMMF

"Jamie, where's Jamie." I asked as I tried to remember what had happened. I felt the heavy weight of the blankets on me and I tried to push them aside so I could sit up.

"Easy mistress." Angus urged me as I sat upright and pushed the damp curls from my face.

"Angus?" I whispered, what was he doing here?

"Are you all right mistress? How do you feel?"  
"I feel fine? Why?" I asked, realising that I wasn't wearing my own clothes, or Jamie's by the feel of them, the linen was too fine.

"You had an accident." Willy told me cautiously, "You've been asleep for a few hours, while we warmed you up."

"While you what?" And just as suddenly the images came pouring in, the sensation of the cold water, the feeling of being dragged under and Jamie, oh god. Where was he? "Jamie, where's Jamie?" I asked again, crying out his name.

"Mistress please." Angus stopped me as I tried to get out of the bed.  
"Where is my husband? Why were they telling me? I had seen him drown. I pushed Angus aside and tried to get out of bed. As my feet touched the ground, I found myself floundering unable to stand upright, my muscles too cold and sore. Angus caught me by the elbow, and together with Willy tried to urge me back into the bed. I held onto the bedpost for support.

"You're too ill mistress, please get back into bed, you need to rest." Willy insisted,

"I need to see my husband." I ordered them, preparing to crawl there if I needed to.

"Murtagh said we weren't to let you out of the bed and I have to say I agree with him." Angus stood his ground, griping me tightly to prevent me from moving.

"Well you can bloody tell Murtagh." I began as the warm liquid ran down my legs and I reached out and gripped the bedpost tighter for support.

"What is it?" Willy asked, as I paused mid rant,

"Oh god. You can tell him the babies coming." I moaned as I felt my muscles contracting.

"You can't be serious." Angus looked on shocked,

"Bloody serious." I told him, "My waters just broke."

"Your what?" He looked at me puzzled as they both lifted me back onto the bed,

"I'm in labour." I said, sitting on the edge of the bed and catching my breath,

"Aye." Angus replied, "Oh Aye!" he repeated with a touch of panic, finally realising what was happen. "Don't move." He said, "I'll get the monks."


	12. Chapter 12: Hello Baby Fraser

**Chapter 12: Hello Baby Fraser**

"Christ." Murtagh swore as Willy came to tell him what was happening. "Can we not get a moments peace?" He asked himself before leaving Rupert to watch over Jamie so he could check on Claire.

"Murtagh. How's Jamie?" I asked as he entered the room. "Tell me he's all right. Please."

"He's fine lass, he hasn't woken up yet but the monks say he is doing well." My mind raced, why wasn't he awake? Had he been under too long? I lay there feeling exposed, the monks had removed the top few blankets and I had been left to sit there in the bed, dressed in some unknown man's shirt, the sheets pulled up around my thighs as I rubbed my belly and breathed through the contractions, which seemed to be progressing rather quickly. Surrounded by men and monks, I wished that Jenny were with me, a friendly face who knew what I was going through and could help guide me.

"I need to see him Murtagh." I begged, closing my eyes as I massaged my sides. "I can't do this without him."  
"I ken lass, we all do." He spoke softly, coming to my side and taking my hand. "He would be here if he could, in the meantime, I hope I can suffice."  
"That's sweet Murtagh." I smiled, "Thank you." Wishing I could feel more grateful.

"Just tell me what you need and I'll see that you get it."

"I just want my husband back." I cried as he leaned me into his shoulder. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." I wept reaching out to take his hand for support.

JAMMF

He stayed by me, holding my hand as did Angus and Willy who watched on from a respectable distance at the door. The three of them blushing as the monks lifted the blankets to check on my progress from time to time, Angus scrunching his nose up as I screamed, he was more delicate than he looked I joked to myself. From what little I knew, and from Jenny had gone through, I realised that I must have gone into labour sometime during the night while I slept. Having skipped the early stages of labour, most likely brought on from the shock of the events the night before, my contractions quickly grew in intensity and I began to tire much faster than normal. I also feared, that although only three weeks from being full term, that it was too early, or that the child had been injured from my near drowning. Finding it more comfortable to sit on my knees facing down, I took to resting on my elbows during contractions. I would grab Murtagh's hand, cutting of the circulation as I screamed through each one.

"Jesus H Roosevelt Christ." I had begun, trying to remember where I was, but as they grew more intense my consideration lowered dramatically.

"Oh god dam it… bloody hell." I screamed, almost passing out at one point, "I can't do this, I can't do this." I cried out as Angus and Willy looked on, half impressed at what they were witnessing, and half in shock. I realised they had properly never seen a woman in labour before, or heard one.

"Yes, you can." Murtagh insisted, rubbing my back where I indicated, just as I had for Jenny.

"Can we do anything for you mistress?" Angus asked after the next contraction,

"Laudanum, I need laudanum." I yelled, watching as the tone of my voice incited him to find it with haste,

"No she doesn't." Murtagh stopped him.

"Yes I bloody well do. I'm the patient and I'm also the doctor. I think I know what's best."  
"And how do you suppose to birth the bairn passed out in a daze?" He asked me, shaking his head.

"Damn you." I cursed him, "Just a little bit?"  
"No." He denied me,

"Christ. I feel like I am being torn apart" I cried out and I felt my strength leaving me.

"It's been six hours already, how long does this go on for?" I heard Angus whisper to Willy.

"I have no idea, my mother was once in labour for two days." He replied

"Two days." I shuddered at the thought, grabbing the glass of whiskey from beside the bed I threw it at them as they ducked, "Out, get out." I screamed smirking as Angus clocked Willy over the heard for his remark. "Oh you god damn fucking bastard!" I moaned trying to remember how to breath, I couldn't take another hour of this, let alone another day as I pushed down into the bed yet again.

JAMMF

It was like a dream, the sensation of falling, the cold water tearing at my skin as it filled my lungs. The panic of hopelessness, replaced by the knowledge that it was what I wanted. My eyes getting heavy as a sense of weightlessness overcame me. I felt at peace, and then I heard it. What was Claire doing there? In my dream? I had tried to push any thoughts of her from my mind, her image corrupted by Randall, I could no longer look at her without thinking of him. She was trying to pull me back, back to the pain, to the torture. I recalled breaking her hand free of my shirt, wanting to sink deeper into the abyss. Why was she stopping me? Why couldn't she let me be? I sank lower and lower, the light above from the moon blocked by something above me. I didn't pay it any mind, until I heard her voice, "Jamie." She had called out, "Jamie." I looked up, the mass of material above me was sinking faster than myself and I watched as it came almost level with my eyes. Even in my own dreams she wouldn't leave my side. I reached out to her, but something grabbed me and pulled me away. "Nooo!" I tried to grab her as she sunk further, I couldn't lose her, not now. Someone spoke in haste, "Is she alive?" I thought I heard them say. "Of course she's not alive." I wanted to tell them, she was mine, forever and always and she had chosen to join me as I left this world and I needed to go back to her. Randall was gone and there was only Claire. I had the oddest sensation of floating through the air and then nothing. She was gone, our souls parted forever.

"Claire? Claire?" I called out, realising that I was still alive.

"It's me Rupert." A familiar voice answered. "You're safe now lad."

"Where is she?" I asked, feeling more sanguine than I had in days, like I had been in a drug induced haze and was now finally clear.

"Let me fetch the monks." He began, as I grabbed his hand and stopped him,

"Where is she? What's wrong?" I panicked, wondering why he looked so frightened. What wasn't he telling me?

"There was an accident." Rupert answered reluctantly, bowing his head.

"Oh god." It wasn't a dream, it was real. "CLAIRE!" I screamed hoping to god I was wrong.

"She's just down the hall." He responded, "But…"

"Is she alive?" I asked, throwing off my blankets and racing down the hall towards her, as the sound of something smashing against a wall echoed down the hall, followed by some familiar and unmistakable ranting.

"Oh Aye." He smiled, "She's having the bairn." Rupert called out, his words causing me to stop momentarily. First joy that she was alive and then at the sound of her screams, panic and guilt.

"Oh you god damn fucking bastard." I heard her scream as I raced around the corner. "I can't do this, I can't do this."

"Yes, you can." I shouted as I pushed past a dumb struck Angus and Willy. She looked exhausted as she leaned back against Murtagh's shoulders. Her eyes darting open as she stared at me, her face pale but full of joy as her eyes met mine.

"Oh god Jamie." She cried, "Is it you? Are you all right?"  
"That's a fine question indeed Sassenach." I smiled at her, "But it's I who should be asking you that." I replied, making my way with haste to her side, my hand still bandaged and in a sling, I reached out to embrace her with my good arm as she checked my forehead and confirmed that I was without fever. "I dinnae ken much of what has happened here, save for a few scattered memories." I told her, "But I'm better now mo nighaen donn. I promise ye."

"I thought I'd lost you." She hugged me tight, as Murtagh studied me cautiously.

"Aye we almost did." Murtagh added, as I got the impression he was assessing me as a threat. "It's good to see you on your feet again lad." He added slapping me on the back,

"I don't disagree." I said, trying to piece together what was happening, "Now Sassenach," I continued, "What's all this cursing about?" I teased her.

"Ask your son." She hissed at me,

"She's been cursing like that for hours." Angus added, "We'll be paying penance for years." He joked, blessing himself just in case.

I watched, as her momentary energy burst at seeing me again faded, and she sunk back into the blankets. She looked pale and weak, and I began to worry. I noted the look of worry on the men's faces too. I pulled Murtagh aside, and asked him what had been going on and he told me about the river and nearly drowning, her exhaustion over the last few weeks and how my injuries and actions had caused her great concern. It pained me to hear it, to know that I had been the cause of her misery, that I had nearly lost her. I knew immediately what I had to do, digging deep I mustered up as much courage and strength as I could find, being still in recovery myself, and I willed her what she needed to go on.

"Right." I took over, grateful for their help but wanting to pull my weight, "Angus, go grab Claire some broth to keep her strength up. Willy, Rupert, give the lady some privacy." I ordered then nodded to Murtagh,

"Jamie." She cried out, reaching out for my hand. I gave it to her, watching as she gripped it for near death, pushing into the bairn. I brushed the hair from her eyes as I settled in behind her on the bed, wrapping my other hand around her shoulders for support as she leaned back against my chest.

"Shh now, I'm here mo nighean donn." I comforted her as she rested a moment, "Do you think it will be much longer?" I asked her, sensing she was almost out of strength.

"God I hope not." She replied, shaking her head, "I don't know how much more I can take."

"I ken you're exhausted Sassenach, but it will be over soon. Lean into me, take what little strength I have left and we will get through this, together."

"I can't tell you how good it feels to have you back in my arms again." She cried, as I pulled her close.

"I ken what you mean mo gridah. When you left with Randall, I never thought I'd see you again." I shook a little, the trauma still fresh in my mind, "There were times, I'm sure you ken well that I wanted to die, but when I heard you scream, and Rupert told me the bairn was coming, none of that mattered anymore." I kissed her forehead, "I'd take all your pain away if I could mo nighaen donn, but since I cannae, I can at least lend you my strength and my body to see you through."

"All I ever wanted was you." She smiled up at me, "Never leave me again James Fraser."  
"I told you once before Sassenach and I'll tell ye again, I'll never leave ye, not even after I'm dead and buried." I grabbed her chin, forcing her eyes to meet mine, "But if ye ever try to follow me to my grave again." I warned her, "I'll haunt ye to the ends of the earth." I kissed her softly on the neck as she spun her head around and pressed her lips against mine then pulled back, reaching out for my hand again.

"Oh god." She groaned again, her efforts more focused this time, then her voice changed and the tone was more high pitched,

"What is it mo gradh?" I asked, trying to soothe her as she tried to catch her breath. "Fetch the monk." I ordered Murtagh as she screamed more intensely than before. Murtagh returned soon after with the monk who had been looking after her all along. "What's wrong?" I asked him as he forced her legs from under her and laid them flat before him and looked under her shift.

"The baby is coming." He grinned as I noticed Murtagh look quickly and then turn away,

"I'll just be outside then." He announced heading for the door.

"And where do you think you are going?" She warned him, reaching out her other hand. Murtagh stopped short and came to stand on the other side of the bed. "You've got me this far." She smiled.

"Not long now Sassenach and the wee bairn will be here." I urged her, holding her as she sat up "Now push down as hard as ye can, break my other hand if ye have to."

"Mine too lass." Murtagh added as she accepted the challenge, her screams piercing my ears and tearing my guts out as her knuckles, white as snow, dug into my own. I felt her body go limp as the monk announced that the bairn was born. Her face, drenched in sweat and her body pushed beyond exhaustion, she fell into my arms and rolled her head back.

"Rest now mo gradh. It's all over." I encouraged her, "You did a braw job."

"Is it alive?" She asked, he eyes too heavy to open. The monk wrapped the child in a small blanket and held it up.

"Shaw." I smiled at her as the Monk presented the child to us, "It looks like a fine healthy wean to me. Sassenach" She opened her eyes and reached out to grab the child, pulling the sheet back from its face to reveal two bright blue sparkling eyes and a content grin. "It's a girl Claire." I whispered to her, "We have a daughter."

"A daughter." She whispered, holding the bairn in her arms as I held her in mine. "Jenny was right."

"About what?" I asked, tracing a finger down the bairns cheek as it reached out and grabbed it, curling it's tiny fingers around my own.

"That all the pain and the suffering just melts away." She said, a tear falling from her cheek, as I watched her, staring with absolute love at our new daughter.

"Congratulations." Murtagh grinned as he watched on.

Claire reached out for him, "I couldn't have done it without you." She thanked him.

"That goes for me too." I added, "Thank you for being there, when I could not."

"Don't mention it." He blushed, "Just promise me you'll allow a man to rest before you begin any more foolishness." Murtagh chuckled as the door burst open and we were surrounded by three more well-wishers.

"It's got my nose." Angus teased,

"Nae, It's got my eyes." Rupert added.

"She's beautiful Claire." Willy congratulated us, handing over a small blanket which I recognised well.

"Where did you get that?" Claire asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Jenny sent it, along with some other things. They arrived this morning." He smiled, "I thought you might want it."

"Thank you Willy, truly." I nodded as Claire took the blanket and kissed him on the cheek, "All of you, we are lucky to have you."

"As are we." Claire smiled at each of them as I recalled just how much they had done for me, for us. They had saved us, not once but twice and now they had saved our daughter as well.


	13. Chapter 13: Aftermath

**Chapter 13: Aftermath**

I slept. Jamie was safe, I was safe and our child was safe. Nothing else mattered. Exhausted from endless weeks of looking for Jamie and then caring for him and from the sudden and intense birth of our daughter, I felt as though I could sink right into the feather mattress below me, swallowed whole by its warmth and by its sheer comfort and just fade way into nothingness. And I did. Waking only briefly as someone, usually Jamie, forced warm broth into my mouth, caressed my forehead, kissed my cheek or held my daughter to my breast so she could feed. I was completely and utterly spent. "Rest mo nighean donn." I could hear him whisper, "Ye've done a braw job, now let me do mine."

JAMMF

I had watched her sleeping for three days now, lying sweet and blissful like in a merry dream. I tried to imagine what she was thinking about, would I be in her dreams? did I want to know? I dinnae care, all that mattered was that she was well. The dark patches around her eyes were fading, but she was still so pale and so weary looking. The bright glow from her skin had vanished, replaced by a flat paler tone than he had seen far too often on men long pushed past their limits during times of war and hardship. Her hair, wild and tattered where the sweat of long hours by the fire and stress from the recent events had stripped it of its natural oils. He longed to take her and scrub her raw until she shone once more like the precious stone that she was, but for now he would let her rest. There would be time for that later. For now, he was content to sit still in the chair by the fire, holding his newborn child cradled in his arms, watching over them while they slept. He'd held Jenny's children before but this was different, the connection between them the small soul in his arms and himself was not dissimilar but it was stronger more intense. She was his. This tiny, fragile perfect little bundled before him wearing the gown his sister had sent to them earlier and swaddled in the blanket Mrs Fitz had knitted personally as a gift for his daughter was his own flesh and blood, his and Claire's. He felt the blood that ran through her veins calling to him, declaring herself one of the clan. His clan, clan Fraser. He ran the little finger from his good hand softly down the side of her cheek, barely touching the skin. "Ye need never be afraid." He whispered in the old tongue, "I'll always be with ye, watching over ye and keeping ye safe." Her lip curled a little as if she understood him and it made his own lip curl in response, "You and ye mother. She's a braw woman, the finest I've ever seen and I hope you grow up to be just like her."

He looked back at his wife, asleep in the bed where he had left her. Claire had a strength in her most men he knew would never possess. He didn't need to ask what craziness had overcome her, seven month gone with child, to chase after him like she did, he knew. Then to break into the prison, break him out, mend his wounds, his hand. He'd never seen anyone with an injury so severe keep their limb, he still wasn't sure that it would work but as he felt his bandaged hand twitch he thanked god that she had at least given him a chance to heal before taking it off. Feeling the weight off the child through the thick cloth, even though the pressure sent jolts of pain through him, was a blessing. These things alone, were enough to make him declare her the strongest, bravest person he knew, would ever know. Then he had seen her, bone weary and exhausted beyond description, push this delicate beautiful little girl from her own body and out into the world. Whoever said that woman were a weak and inferior sex had obviously never known one, for she was living proof that they were worth more than any ten men combined. Even Angus had almost fainted at the thought of ever having to attempt such a feat himself as, if he were honest, had he.

The child stirred in its sleep, she would wake soon and need another feed. He despised having to wake Claire so the child could feed but there were no other nursing mothers in the abbey and he lacked the necessary equipment to feed her himself. "Shhh mo gradh, just a little bit longer." He urged her, standing up to rock her back and forth as he paced across the room. It was almost dawn, if she could sleep another hour then the monks would have the breakfast started and he could get Claire some fresh porridge while she fed the child, his child, their child. He felt his lips curl again, he had waited so long to meet her, had mourned the loss of her while he waited to be hanged and surrendered himself to the knowledge that he would never see either one of them again and now she was here, in his arms, safe, healthy and real.

JAMMF

"Sassenach." I heard him whisper softly as I dreamt of a roaring fire, a cosy bed and Jamie's arms wrapped tightly around mine, "Mo nighean donn?"  
"I'm awake" I mumbled, trying to open my eyes, relieved that my body no longer felt heavy and limp, but was closer to the state in which one finds themselves feeling lazy and sluggish while trying to decide if they should wake up or not. I heard the faint grumbled coming from the bundled figure in his arms, and all too aware of what sounds would come next if I didn't act fast enough, I shook off my weariness and set about sitting up and making myself comfortable.

"Here." Jamie handed me a fresh bannock covered in hot butter and honey, the sticky substance trickled down my arm but I licked it off my palm, the sweet taste filing me with warmth. "Have a bite to eat before she wakes." He offered as he placed another pillow behind me. "There's some porridge there too if ye want it."

"Come here." I said, grabbing his shirt collar as he leaned in closer and I began kissing him thoroughly,

"Ye feeling a bit better then?" Jamie kissed me back, grinning and then stroked my chin as he smiled at me.

I stretched out my arms, extended the muscles till I heard a small pop from my joints then reached out to stroke his cheek in return. "Much better." He kissed the inside of my palm, where it rested over his lips, a hint of honey still remaining, then he paused and nodded.

"Aye, I can see that." I could sense the tension leaving his body as he said it, replaced by a mischievous grin. "I can see ye've a touch of the devil about ye as well, and well as I'm mighty pleased to see that gleam in ye eye Mrs Fraser." He began merrily and then more sternly, "I warn ye, you'll not be taking advantage of me, not in your condition, nor mine."

"What does that mean?" I tried to feign innocence and shock, but he saw right through me, me and the remnants of the dream that had lingered in my mind.

"That means." He said tucking in the sheets around me and handing me the now waking child, "That ye in no condition what having just had a child and all and nearly drowning yeself to death, to be making such advances. And." He continued, "That in my better judgement, I'm not inclined to be taking you up on any such offers, no matter how badly I want ye so." His hand lingered where he held the child's head, as it touched mine while I reached in to take over the position. I smiled at him, I could see the tension, the eagerness in him raging like a wildfire. It had been months since we had last been together, since we had shared ourselves and after everything that had happened we both needed desperately to know that everything was going to be all right. I knew I was in no condition, so soon after the birth, but to just lay with him, in his arms, my head resting on his bare chest. To feel his heart beating underneath my cheek, that would be enough to know that we were truly together again. He pulled away, making his way over to the far wall where he opened the curtain to let some light in, and then stoked the fire to keep the cool air from outside sending a chill over us all. His own thoughts must have echoed my own, as he made his way back to the bed, released the belt holding up his kilt letting it all fall to the floor, then settled in beside me, pulling me as our child fed in my arms, closer to him so that my head rested against his warm chest.

"I've waited so long to hold ye like this again mo nighean donn." He whispered, "And now that I have ye where I want ye, I dinna think that I'll ever let you go."

"Then let us stay here, forever and never be parted again." I urged him a the child slipped off my nipple, made a sucking noise and then found its position again, drinking away contentedly. We both watched in silence. "I love you Jamie."

"And I love you." He said correcting a strand of loose hair, "My brown haired lass."

"The lass will need a name." Jamie's soft whisper eventually broke the silence. She was a 'bonnie lass' as Jamie called her. A little on the smaller side, given mine and Jamie's height, but pink and healthy, with bright blue eyes like her father, tiny whisps of hair too early to tell if they would be auburn or copper, high cheek bones like her aunt and nimble little hands that liked to grab onto anything they could get a hold of. Jamie's eyes sparkled whenever he looked at her and I had it on good authority from Angus that the only time that she had left his arms, was when he gave her to me to feed. Even then he hovered over us, always watchful.

"I suppose she will." I agreed, I hadn't thought about it much, we knew if she was a boy we wanted to name her in honour of his father, "I'm pretty sure that Brian doesn't suit her though." I felt him laugh briefly, then stiffen in thought of his father. "We can always name her Ellen, after your mother?"

"Nay." He shook his head, "Jenny already has Margaret Ellen. What about your mother?" He asked hesitantly,  
"Elizabeth?" I thought about it a moment and dismissed the idea. "No. It's too English, besides it reminds me of the Queen."  
"Queen Elizabeth of the Tudor Dynasty ye mean?" He asked confused and a little surprised that I knew who she was even though it was not the Elizabeth I had been thinking about, "Oh Aye, some terrible history there to be sure." Jamie agreed, as I recalled faint memories in old history books about rivalries between Queen Elizabeth the First and Mary Queen of Scots. Elizabeth had beheaded Mary if memory served me and it sent a shudder down my spine. Jamie being so recently saved from execution himself.

"Yes something like that." I said dismissing the idea, no need to go into details about future monarchs just yet. "What about Mary?"

"Nay, she doesna look like a Mary." I felt his chest fall in deep thought, none of the names we could think of seemed to feel right and by the time we had exhausted all of the names we knew, the unnamed child was well feed, content and sleeping once again.

"What about Brianna?" I asked, having been turning the name over in my own head for a few minutes first just in case, "It's a feminine version of Brian."

"Breeannaa." He rolled the name over his tongue, then looked down at her and smiled, "I cannae say I've heard of it before, but I think it suits her just fine." He moved his hand, currently wrapped around us and holding us both close to him, exposing her flush cheeks and feeling the softness of her skin under his own, "Brianna Claire Mackenzie Fraser." He whispered softly, "Aye, it's a strong name to be sure."

"Brianna Claire." I tried it on for size myself, and her petite lips curled in agreement. "Brianna Claire it is then." She was no longer an it, a her, a nameless child, she was Brianna. I felt an inexplicable sense of reality hit me as if giving her a name somehow made her more real. "Bree." I smiled at her.

"Bree?" Jamie had been brushing the hair from the side of my face and pressing his lips to the skin he had exposed, but he paused momentarily and looked up at me, puzzled.

"It's what I'll call her for short." I nodded, leaning into his soft caress, "Bree is a lovely sound don't you think?"  
"Oh Aye." He grinned, then went back to kissing my neck but I could feel him trying to supress his grin.

"What?" What had I said that was so funny I wondered and I half turned to try and face him, "What have I said?"  
"Nothing Sassenach." Jamie pulled back from me, trying to seem non fussed and serious, "Tis just that a Bree, well….." He began, "I've heard the term be used when someone is trying to describe a great disturbance in the old Gaelic is all." He looked at his daughter, and then to me, "And if she's anything like you." Jamie smiled lovingly, "Then it will be a fine name for her indeed."

I elbowed him lovingly in the ribs and then looked again at Bree. "Don't listen to your father, you're not a disturbance." I assured her.

"Although." Jamie continued more cautiously, rubbing his ribs mockingly where my elbow had connected, "Bri, b-r-i." He spelled it out slowly, "Is the Gaelic term for strength or strong one." Jamie added proudly, "And that also makes it a fine name for her, a good omen I should think."

"Bri." I nodded. She had survived events that most children in this age would have succumbed too, long days and nights on the road, a sadistic Englishman, a near drowning, her own birth. If she had half of her father's strength in her, and my own I added a little modestly, then it would be a well suited name indeed. I looked at her and realised quite suddenly just how much Jamie had given me.

"Thank you." I said kissing him on the cheek then turning to look back at our daughter. I had come to this world, this time, certain after months of trying with Frank that I was unable to conceive, but Jamie had given me a home, a life, a family and now a child of my own. I hadn't even realised with everything that had happened that she was mine too, having only come to think of her as Jamie's. I felt Jamie shift uneasily behind me, and I felt his skin blush hot. "I never thought I would get the chance to be a mother, and now that I am I wouldn't have missed this for the world."  
"Nor I Sassenach." Jamie pulled me closer, then turned my head so that his lips met mine, "It suits ye, to have a wean in ye arms and to see the life in ye face again but it is I who should be thanking you." He kissed me again, deeper "For ye've given me a priceless gift as well."

JAMMF

"Can I get ye anything Mistress Claire?" Willy asked me as I took a stroll through the gardens a week later. Jamie's hand showed no sign of infections and was healing quiet well, I had recovered from my exhaustion and from the birth of Bree and we were both looking forward to putting the entire ordeal behind us.

"No thank you." I smiled at him as he quickened his pace to catch up. I wasn't completely ignorant to the fact that either due to his own sense of loyalty, ordered to by Jamie or most likely a combination of the two, that Willie had become my personal servant. Accompanying me wherever I went, fetching me food and drink when I needed it and running small errands on my behalf. There was little for me to do at the abbey besides checking in on Jamie and looking after Bree so I had taken to reading some of the monks' small library in the gardens while I nursed her. Willie's hovering presence was far from inconspicuous but knowing what a keen sense of duty a Scot held, no matter what had compelled him to his quest, I knew better than to call him out on it. "But if you would sit with me a moment." I offered as we approached the stone bench I had come accustomed to sitting on, "You could hold Bree while I read a while." He smiled, sat quickly by my side and reached out to take Bree from me as if he was being given the Queens precious china. "You won't hurt her." I assured him."  
"Aye, I ken mistress, it's just." He bounced Bree up and down once or twice and she smiled, settling immediately in his arms, "I let ye down once Mistress, I'll never forgive myself if I did it again."  
"You never let me down." I knew what he meant, he had sworn to look after me before, before the lake. He had already apologised once for not being there when I needed him, that he should have been there to go after Jamie instead of me but I had dismissed the notion immediately as I did now. "You saved us." I reminded him, "Your quick thinking alerting the monks. We owe our lives to you Willie, never forget that."  
"Yes Mistress." He nodded half-heartedly and focused his attention on Brianna. I let him have his thoughts, and settled myself to opening the latest book I had chosen and finding the first page.

We sat there for almost an hour before either one of us made shift to begin a conversation again. I noted his systematic gaze to the west every twenty minutes or so and wondered what it was he was looking for. After the sixth such glance, I closed the book I was reading and turned to look in the same direction. "What is it?" I asked, seeing nothing but the edge of a wooded forest, tall trees lining the border with a small grassed field in front of it and nothing but blackness behind it. I knew that Rupert and Angus had been hunting in those woods regularly, and that they were probably there now.

"Tis nothing Mistress, pay it no mind." But I could see that whatever it was, was troubling him.

"What's wrong Willie? What has you so on edge?" I asked, looking at his hands clasped tightly around Bree and, for the first time, the glint of his dirk sheathed on his belt ready for quick use. My hands closed into tight fists and I stared harder into the woods, my heart beating rapidly as I tried to see beyond the darkness. "Where's Jamie?"

"I do not know Mistress." I could hear the betrayal in his voice, his neck muscles were tight, shaking. I stared him down, and he broke quickly. "He is gone Mistress." He finally spoke, "Angus reported seeing the English nearby yesterday when he was out hunting, they have gone to take a closer look." "The English." I knew it wouldn't take them long to find us, I was surprised it had taken them this long. "And Jamie's gone to find them?" I felt my heart shatter, he wasn't ready, he wasn't strong enough. What if he was captured again? I stood up, ready to chase after him but something grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"Mistress please." Willie was on his feet now, Bree still content in his arms, "He ordered me not to tell you. You must not go Mistress Claire. It's too dangerous." I looked to his face, pleading me to back down, then to the woods where Jamie was, and maybe the English and then back to Bree. I had no choice, and that thought did not sit well with me at all. I grabbed Bree from Willie's arms and started towards our chambers. "Where are you going?" He asked me as he struggled to keep up.

"To pack." I bit back at him, taking my frustration out on him, "Whether the English are here now or not we have been here too long. We need to leave."

"But Mistress." He caught up, took a deep breath and began to unburden his mind, "Jamie has already sent me to make plans to set sail." He informed me, "I meet with them to finalise the plans tonight. We leave for France in three days."

"Three days. Why didn't you say anything?" Willie went to protest, but the words caught in his throat, Jamie had told him not to. I stopped, looked at him absolving him of any guilt then proceeded at a friendlier pace towards the main building, "Three days, we have a lot to do Willie if we are to be prepared in time."  
"Yes mistress." He nodded as I thought about everything we would need to make the week long journey on the seas. In addition to some basic food and medical supplies, there would be a great deal needed to cater for the needs of a ten day old newborn. We had few supplies as it was for her in the way of clothes and nappies, or what passed for nappies in this era and there would be no means to get any more once we were underway. What little we had would need to be washed and dried regularly and I was determined that we would have as big a stockpile as possible.

JAMMF

I heard the hoofbeats echoing off the pavement below and through the open window as they rode up, and the braying of the horses who sounded like they had been ridden hard. I looked out the window urgently and noticed Jamie's red hair immediately feeling a breath of relieve ripple through me. His three companions dismounted as he did, their heads held stiff but not urgent. I cautioned myself about racing downstairs to give him a peace of my mind, instead placing the cloth I held in my hand on top of the other I had procured in the wooden crate by the end of the bed and grabbed Bree from her makeshift crib, bundling her in my arms, waiting for him to enter as I stood by the fire. I heard his footsteps, hastening up the stairs two at a time, then joined by another pair of softer footsteps they paused a moment and continued on more cautiously. The door opened with a slight creak and he peered around, looking for me before he stepped over the threshold. "There ye are Sassenach." He made his way over and kissed me on the forehead, and then Bree, before stepping back a moment.

"Yes, I now where I am. The question is where were you?" I stared at him, my displeasure clear. He nodded, rubbed his chin then smiled.

"Aye, Willie warned me ye weren't none too pleased." Jamie stepped forward hands out to hug me, then back again as he caught my glare, "I didna want to worry ye, but I needed to check it out for myself." He didn't ask for forgiveness, just understanding.

"And?" I asked as he stepped forward and took Bree from my hands, my tempered jostling had unsettled her and she was beginning to stir uncomfortably. Jamie whispered to her, then looked up at me. "They're there all right, camped on the other edge of the forest. They'll be here if not tomorrow then the next day." I saw the fear in his eyes as he looked at Bree, "It isna safe here Sassenach, we need to go."

"Go where?" I looked around, uselessly, "Willie said the ship doesn't sail for another three days."  
"Aye." He nodded, shifted Bree to the side and then reached out to pull me closer to him, he held me tight against him, a promise to keep me safe as much as to sway my temper. "The monks have taken up a collection, Willie has been sent to bribe the Captain, we leave in the morning." He kissed me on the forehead and I felt his lips quiver a moment as he tried to assure me everything was all right. It wasn't just the two of us on the run anymore, it was the three of us and that thought scared us both more than anything else had before.


	14. Chapter 14: Through the Looking Glass

**Chapter 14: Through the looking Glass Darkly**

I had thought that my biggest cause of concern during our journey would be keeping Bree clothed and dry, but less than half a day into our trip across the sea it had become glaringly apparent that Murtagh's tales of Jamie's seasickness were not exaggerated after all. He was doubled over in pain, his stomach muscles in a permanent spasm as he struggled against his body to stop himself from dry reaching. There was nothing left in him now except what little stomach acid remained and he couldn't keep even the smallest dram of whisky down. What I wouldn't give for a simple sea sickness tablet I thought to myself as I looked through my medical kit for the hundredth time. I had nothing to help him, except for the cool cloth to his head and the small bottle of ground ginger I had been given by the monks, but even that wasn't helping.

"Is he always like this?" I asked Murtagh as the most recent bout of illness subsided and he managed to curl up on the berth and close his eyes a moment.

"Aye, and worse." His godfather nodded, turning his nose up at the smell that filled the small enclosed space. I soaked the cloth in fresh sea water and washed Jamie down with it.  
"I see." I said, pushing the other bucket aside, I'd send Murtagh to empty it over the side in a minute, "How did he survive last time?" I asked him, watching the pale scot grimace at the thought of his last journey over the seas.

"Ye dinna want to know." Murtagh scoffed and picked up the bucket ready to leave. I stopped him and insisted he continue.

"It might help." I insisted as Jamie winced in pain. I took his hand, hot and clammy in my own.

"He was knocked out cold." Murtagh grinned, "The lad was unconscious for most of the journey. We'd never have gotten him on the ship otherwise."  
"Well." I couldn't help but grin, the strong brave warrior, felled by a boat and an open sea. "I don't think that's a n option." I assured him.

"Might put him out of his misery though." Murtagh added sincerely, "I'd be happy to oblige ye if ye wish." Murtagh offered putting his hand to his dirk.

"You will not." I felt Jamie grunt a little as he suppressed a laugh. I glared at Murtagh, demanding he put his dirk away. "I'm sure we can think of something better than braining him to death." I shook my head at the two of them, Jamie groaned defeated and sunk into the mattress beneath him.

"Aye well, if ye change ye mind then." Murtagh scoffed then picked up the bucket and left.

I grabbed Jamie's hand and continued to run the cool cloth over his forehead. "I wish there was something I could do for you." I apologised. "I've only the laudanum left, but I don't want you being sick in your sleep and chocking to death."  
"Dinna Fash Sassenach." He tried to smile, "Ye've been through worse than this Aye. Tis nothing. I'll be fine."

"You don't need to be brave for me. You're in agony and I know it."  
"Aye, but I'll do." He squeezed my hand, his fingers still hot and weak, "It's a bit of irony no?" He asked me.

"What that?"  
"I was feeling guilty that I couldna help you bare the bairn, and here you are feeling guilty that ye canna help me settle my wee stomach. We make a bonny pair do we no?"  
"Yes. I suppose we do since you put it that way." I laughed at him, as I slipped a bit of laudanum into his whisky. As long as I watched him carefully, he could sleep peacefully for a few hours.

JAMMF

Holding Brianna in one arm, and my hand around Jamie's waist with the other, we made ourselves ready to disembark as soon the ship docked. Jamie had, with the help of a little medicinal help, slept through most of the voyage, but he was still too weak to stand on his own and more than a little disoriented. Murtagh gathered our things as Jamie tried to give me directions to the inn he knew at the end of the wharf, where his uncle should have procured some rooms for us. We took each step slowly, his arm wrapped similar around my waist to make it look to the uniformed that it was he who carried me. As the distance between us and the ship grew, the tension in Jamie diminished. "I thought I might have to take Murtagh up on his offer." I smiled at him as we stopped by a pile of crates packed onto the side of the pier so that he could rest a moment.

"Aye, there were times I thought I might just let ye do it as well." He grinned back. He looked around, taking in for the first time where he was, then inhaled deeply, let it out and stood up a little straighter. "It's been a long time since I've been here Sassenach, and although I dinnae wish to make this my home, I dinnae wish to step foot on another ship ever again." He nodded, stood up clear eyed and surefooted and drew me closer to him, "I wonder what it would be like to ride in one of those air planes of yours." He grinned up at the sky, then turned back towards me. "Thank ye Sassenach." Without waiting for my response, he kissed me, leaving me breathless and light footed. I found my footing and smiled back at him as he took my waist one more time and walked us towards our lodgings.

JAMMF

Jamie made it up the stairs to our room, then reaching out for the bed, collapsed onto the mattress and rolled onto his back. He stared at some non existent spot on the roof, his face going pale a moment before his colour returned and he looked across the room to me. He watched as I opened the top draw of the dresser in the room, wrapped my travelling coat into a soft blanket and then placed Bree safely on top of it. She gurgled, reached out grabbing a strand of my hair and began to tug on it. I pulled the hair free, kissed her on the head and then went to see to Jamie.

"Here." He was dehydrated and pale, I poured him a small glass of whisky and went to rest with him on the bed. "Rest with me a moment Sassenach." He said tapping the bed beside him. He didn't need to ask me twice.

"Are you all right?" I asked him, "Checking his temperature and then snuggling down to rest my head on his shoulder.

"Aye. I'll do." He murmured, "Tis luxury to have a bed that doesna move." He said moving to curl his arm around me. We breathed, free. No one was chasing us here, no one would come knocking the door down to tear Jamie away. There was time to stop, to reflect, to rest. I looked across to where Bree was resting peacefully in her makeshift crib and felt Jamie sigh beneath my cheek, and I closed my eyes to join him in sleep.

I tried, but my mind wouldn't stop thinking about what had happened, about what would happen. We had fled Scotland with our lives, but the English would come, even here in France the English could tear our family apart, them and everyone we held dear. We could hide here in France with Jamie, safe and sound, but could I live with myself? What of Jenny and Ian? Of the tenants of Lallybroch? Of Leoch? Mrs Fitz, Old Alec and everyone I had met since I had come here? "Jamie." I whispered.

"Hmmm?" He answered, squeezing me briefly as his eyes remained closed.

"I've been thinking….. about Culloden." I hesitated, "About what will happen, the war, the clearances. We need to do something. We can't let it happen."  
"Aye." He hadn't been too fond of the idea when I had first brought it up not long after leaving the shores of Scotland. "Have ye?" he asked cautiously.  
"They won't win. They'll be slaughtered, all of them."  
"So ye've told me." He sat up a little straighter, eyes open and staring down at me quizzically. "But what can we do about it?"  
"I don't know, something, anything." I shook my head, my chin burying itself in his chest as I looked up at him. "We can't just do nothing."

"Ye want us to stop a war?"  
"Yes."

"Wouldn't it be easier to help them win a war Sassenach?" He glared back at me, "Maybe see Scotland freed from the English once and for all?"  
"I don't know how? I only know the basics and even that isn't much. All I know is that eventually the Jacobite's are outnumbered and the English win the war."

"But the Jacobite's do have some success? No?"  
"At first they do have several victories, yes, but I don't know enough details, I don't know where they were fighting, how they fought or why they lost." Jamie looked at me, searching for answers I didn't have. "All I know is that on April 16th in 1746 the Highland Soldiers will fight at Culloden and the Jacobite Army will be wiped out. The English will destroy the Highland culture in retribution and Scotland's heritage will be lost forever."

"Is there no other way?"  
"I don't know how?" I said regretfully, wishing I knew more.

"Not that I disagree with you but there's only the two of us. What can we hope to do about it?" He asked looking towards Bree. She was half Scottish, if we lost, it would be her heritage as well as Jamie's that was lost. If we won, then the two of them could return, free from persecution to a Scotland liberated from English rule. To a peace that Jamie had only ever dreamed about. He ran his hand over my cheek, startling me in my deep thought about what that future might look like. "Dinna fash mo nighean donn." He whispered, sitting up by me now as we talked softly, not to be overheard. "It's not that I dinnae wish to change what might be, to stop the Jacobite rebellion, tis just that," Jamie pulled me closer and kissed my forehead, then wiped a tear from my eye that I hadn't realised I had shed, kissing my gently on the lips, "I willna risk the loosing of ye in the doing of it."

"I'm not afraid." I lied, my stomach was in knots just thinking about it.

"Aye. But I am." He nodded left to right, "Tis treason that ye speak of Claire, and I ken well enough what they do to traitors if they are caught. And not just the men." He squeezed my hands, urging me to reconsider, but I knew that his conscious wouldn't allow him to turn a blind eye to my prophecy any more than I could.

"Will you do it then? Will you help me?" He didn't answer me still wrestling with the ethics of what I was proposing in his mind, so I continued, "It starts now Jamie, with Prince Charles in France, we have to stop it here before the Prince sails from Scotland. We need to infiltrate the Jacobite movement. Get close to the key players. Find out where they get their money and their arms and find a way to disrupt their plans."

"You've a high opinion of what an injured highlander and a stubborn Englishwoman can accomplish." He smiled.  
"Since when were you not up for a challenge?" I saw his lip curl, he'd made his decision and as much as it pleased me, I knew what it would cost him dearly as well, victory always came at a price. I squeezed his hands back and laid all my thoughts out before him. "Your cousin Jared lives in Paris, he's a Jacobite, he can vouch for us." I assured him.

He went quiet again as he thought about what I had said. "What are you thinking?" I asked concerned.

"I'm thinking it's not very honourable, lying to my cousin and everyone we know." He broke free of our embrace and went over to stare at Bree in her crib, taking her tiny fingers in his and stroking them gently. He inhaled sharply, as he did when he was in deep thought then turned to look at me.

"You need to remember what's at stake." I urged him, "Tens of thousands of lives and Scotland's future. Surely that's worth the price?"

"And what if the price is our souls?" He looked again at Bree, "And what of our child if we don't succeed?" I thought I saw him mouth a silent prayer.

"It won't happen." I promised him, joining him by her side and resting my hand on his shoulder, "We won't let that happen." He nodded, reaching up and placing his hand on top of mine, I felt the hesitation in his grasp and I felt a small stab of regret for what I was asking of him in the pit of my stomach. "Do you trust me?" I asked.

"I trust you and in you." He turned to face me, his brow creased as it did when he was serious, like when he was pledging an oath. "If you say it is so, then I believe you and if there is no other choice then I will do it." Jamie promised, "But make no mistake Claire, tis a dangerous path that we find ourselves on."

"I don't think we could live with ourselves any other way."

"Aye." He let go of me, and made his way towards the desk in the next room, "I'll write a letter to Jarod, tell him that we are coming and ask him to make some introductions."

"It will be okay Jamie." I promised him as he paused then continued without looking back. He stopped by the desk, drew out the ink ad paper and began to write. I picked Bree up, desperate to hold her close, to know that I was doing the right thing. Jamie cursed in Gaelic and my blood froze. He stood in the doorway, a conflicted expression on his face.

"What am I going to tell Murtagh?" He asked, he had ever lied or kept a secret from his godfather in all of his life, and yet we were about to ask him to commit treason without knowing why. It went against everything that Jamie stood for and I begged anyone to show me another way.


End file.
